Walking together in pain, not secrecy

​A friend shared some things with me yesterday that she'd been through. I said, I haven't experienced those exact same things, but I think I've experienced that kind of pain.

So I feel like I know you better.

It's interesting, often when we introduce ourselves, at least I know this has been true of me, we introduce ourselves in a way that attempts to hide our pain.

For most of my life, the world got to meet the struggle-free me, while the desperately struggling me went home and hung out with my struggles alone.

Through my work the last several years, and through my writing, I've learned something. Until you know someone's pain, until you know their struggles and their adversities, you do not remotely know them at all.

We want to sell ourselves as our gifts and strengths and talents, but what we all secretly want to buy is each other's pain.

Each other's struggles.

When you have pain in your life, it's comforting to know someone else has pain in theirs. And not in a misery loves company kind of way, but in a way that says I'm now free to feel pain. To talk about pain. To introduce myself as my struggles.

We are now free to walk together in pain, and not in secrecy.

Because you can be sure, our greatest secrets ARE our pain. Our greatest physical and mental and emotional and spiritual health challenges are the depths we go to hide our pain. And the reason we go to those depths is the discomfort we often feel in the midst of each other's pain.

We are human's that long for doors wide open walking around with doors sealed shut. And we've had them sealed shut so long many of us have no idea how to open them.

It starts with taking a chance. I told my friend, I don't know you well, but it feels like that pain took some courage to share. I applaud you for that. And I'm grateful that your courage let me know you better.

I think we all need to find some people to be a little more courageous with.

I think we all need to start applauding each other's willingness to be brave enough to feel pain as much as we applaud each other's accomplishments that, on the surface, look pain-free.

I think we need to start opening doors. Wide open.

I think we need to start getting to know one another a little better.

Maybe a lot better.

That can't be done without pain.