We Find Our Best Selves In The Eyes Of Others

I watched the movie Remarkably Bright Creatures last night. What a beautiful movie.

It reminded me of my very favorite quote in the world from Curt Thompson: "We all come into the world looking for someone who is looking for us."

It's a powerful quote because it paints a beautiful picture of a newborn baby coming into the world, wide-eyed and mystified, finding life's first comfort in the eyes of a caretaker looking back. But it is also powerful because it predicts the nature of future joy that the baby will find throughout life. Because nothing is truer, I don't believe, than the more people we have in life showing up looking like they've been looking for us, the more joy we will experience.

Remarkably Bright Creatures is a movie about humans and animals who have lived through traumatic experiences. Experiences that left them broken and alone and searching.

There's a scene in the movie where Tova, an older woman forever grieving the loss of her husband and young son, encouraged her friend Cameron, a young man abandoned by his parents as a boy, to play his guitar and sing at an open mic night.

Cameron was quite resistant. Yet, Tova finally convinced him to climb onto that stage.

His voice was magnetic. It was as if years of beautiful music had been trapped and were finding their freedom. And as the applause grew louder, and found Cameron, you could see and feel healing re-writing a story.

You see, after enough pain in life, many of us stop looking for people who are looking for us.

We begin hiding instead.

But healing often begins the moment someone sees beyond the hiding place. Not because they ignore our wounds, but because they refuse to believe the wounds are the truest thing about us.

That’s what Tova does for Cameron.

That’s what Cameron eventually does for Tova.

That’s even what an octopus somehow does for them both in this story.

They become mirrors reflecting back to one another beauty that has been long forgotten.

I think that’s why human connection is so powerful. The healthiest relationships in our lives are rarely those where someone simply tells us what to do. The healthiest relationships are often the ones where someone helps us remember ourselves.

Maybe that’s what love often is. Not creating beauty from nothing, but reminding someone the beauty never fully left.

I suppose that's why loneliness hurts so deeply. Perhaps that's why movies like this one can be so emotional for some viewers. Because isolation doesn't just remove companionship. Over time, it removes mirrors. Without safe mirrors, we can lose sight of ourselves.

This movie had a very happy ending. But the happiness was no surprise to me. Because in a world where people find someone who is looking for them, happiness is sure to follow.