We Have To KNow We Are Lost Before We Can Feel Found

​I was under the weather yesterday, so it became the perfect day to finish re-watching the television series Lost. This second time through, it hit me differently. There was more emotion. I was crying when it finished. Not because the characters were leaving, but because this time I got what the characters were trying to tell me.

I mean, I really got it.

Maybe because it is Holy Week. There are a lot of parallels to Holy Week in lost.

And more importantly, I think, is I've done a lot of work the last ten years finding myself, which started with fully discovering just how lost I'd been.

Sometimes you need to know you are lost before you can ever feel found.

I've realized in this re-watching, that is what island did in Lost. It forced them to admit they were lost. At first, physically—plane wreckage scattered across sand, smoke billowing, people screaming for help. But eventually—and far more painfully—it revealed just how lost they were emotionally.

Spiritually.

Internally.

And what struck me most this time through is how deeply adverse childhoods are woven into their stories. Nearly every character’s pain could be traced back to the unmet needs, the traumas, the shame, or the silence they experienced growing up.

Jack was still trying to prove to his father that he was good enough.

Kate was still running from the guilt she couldn’t escape.

Locke was desperate to matter to anyone who would claim him.

Sawyer was shaped by a single moment of childhood trauma he couldn’t outrun.

Ben was raised in a world that never truly nurtured him—so he became a master manipulator just to survive.

And isn’t that all of us?

Because of the work I do professionally, and the work I continue to do on me personally, I've come to say that life is us, knowingly or unknowingly, wrestling with our childhoods out loud with one another. Our deepest hurts, fears, and longings don’t stay behind in the past. They travel with us—buried in our stories, disguised as personality, masked as strength, or tunneled deep inside us beneath our addictions, perfectionism, or control.

But the island literally went into the tunnels of their inner worlds and brought them to life. It didn’t cause their brokenness. It revealed it. The real wreckage wasn’t the plane—it was what they carried with them long before they ever boarded it.

And in that way, the island wasn’t just a setting. It was an invitation.

A place where people couldn’t run anymore. A place where ghosts came to life. A place where they were given a choice: face the pain, or let it destroy them. Some chose power. Others chose love. Some chose control. Others chose surrender.

And when they did the hard work of facing what they spent their lives avoiding—healing came. Not all at once. Not easily. But it came. In community. In forgiveness. In sacrifice. In finally letting go.

There’s one scene I can’t stop thinking about. Jacob, the island’s mysterious guardian, is handed a cup by his mother. She says, “You are now like me.” It felt like a sacrament. Like communion. And maybe it was.

Because he then passes the cup to Jack. Jack to Hurley. A passing down not of perfection, but of people willing to carry the light for others. Willing to protect a place where others could still be found.

And maybe that’s our calling, too.

Not to escape our pain. Not to erase our childhood. But to become protectors of spaces where healing can happen. Where people can finally stop running. Where what was broken can be seen, held, and slowly made whole.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence I was finishing up Lost during Holy Week. Because Easter isn’t just about resurrection after death. It’s about the invitation to finally face what’s broken in us so that we can be made new.

And sometimes, that begins with an island.

With landing in a place where there is no longer any doubt that we are lost.

Because it is there, where we finally admit that we are lost, where resurrection and new life begin.