What is your biggest fear?

​Yesterday, I wrote about the idea that we are all walking around with a desire to know that what we do and what we say and who we are matters.

A good buddy sent me a message after reading what I'd written. He told me that his boss had just the day before sent 7 managers and directors on the team one anonymous question:

"What is your biggest fear?"

My friend told me that 5 of the 7 accomplished team leaders said their biggest fear was they weren't qualified for the position they were in. They felt in some way insufficient.

Obviously, this was consistent with what I wrote. No matter how accomplished we get we can all be left feeling like we aren't enough.

I went on to say in the article that the only thing that makes us feel like we are enough, that who we are matters, is love.

I reflected on my buddy's message yesterday. And it left me wondering. Is there a more loving question to ask than "What is your biggest fear?"

Maybe. But if so, there aren't many.

Because what we are all holding on to the tightest is our fears. What we are all most reluctant to reveal to another is our fears. We are afraid if we say out loud I don't feel like I'm enough, someone will judge us as weak and truly not enough.

It's not helpful that in so many of our cultural circles we run around chanting fear not.

It's said in our churches. In our schools. In our relationships. At our dinner tables. In our places of employment. We are constantly leading with don't be afraid.

I get it. Fear is often a hurdle to forward progress. But maybe the best starting place for overcoming fear isn't a command to fear not, maybe it's a question that asks what is it you are fearing.

A command says get over your fear. A question acknowledges and suggests I want to enter that fear with you.

A command says I know you're afraid. A question says I want to know who you are. And there are few ways better to show love than to say I want to know who you are.

So maybe ask someone today, what is your biggest fear. Be prepared to catch them off guard. Not many people ask the people around them what is your biggest fear.

Likely for fear that someone may ask them the same thing in return?

If we are ever going to create the connections with one another we all so desperately need, it's likely going to start with acknowledging our greatest common denominator.

Fear.

And if we are ever going to walk with each other beyond our fears, we have to start by asking each other what those fears are.

So ask, what is your biggest fear?