What We Believe may damage the way we love

​It's been a rough few weeks for relationships in our country. It happens when our passion for agreement becomes more important than our desire to love.

It happens when we feel a need for everyone to agree with what we think happened in Afghanistan. It happens when we feel the need for everyone to agree with what we think about vaccines and masks and abortions. It happens when we feel the need for everyone to bow down to the same president and the same Jesus or not-Jesus we bow down to.

It happens when we let WHAT we believe interfere with the WAY we love.

In a couple of weeks, I get to have a reunion with a buddy I haven't seen in a couple of decades. We will be meeting at the Georgia Jewel where he'll be running the most challenging race of HIS life. And sharing in that - it will be one of the most meaningful experiences of MY life.

It will be meaningful NOT because of our shared love for running long distances on trails, but because of the way we've navigated all the things we haven't shared a love for over the decades.

Because when it comes to beliefs, there are many we don't share.

I think that's why - when I think about relationships that have shaped my life - this one is one of the more meaningful ones. This relationship has showed me NOT what happens when you obediently love people who disagree with you - as dictated by my faith - but rather, it's showed me what it feels like to WANT to love people whether they agree with you or not.

I'm grateful that I had the chance to work with this buddy for a couple of years. I got to know the person beneath the beliefs. Because the reality is, when we define people by what they believe, it's much easier to begin defining love by agreement. Beliefs can begin to build walls; walls are never a healthy part of relationships.

Here is the other thing I've learned from my buddy.

I do think there are some areas in life we'd all be better served agreeing on. I DO have some things in my life I think ALL of you should agree with me on. Some things I think would help us all be healthier and more loving.

And all of you have those kind of beliefs as well.

Well, there are a lot of things I agree with my buddy on that I didn't agree with him on two decades ago. What changed my mind - and my heart? Well I assure you not a bit of the change has been in response to what he believed. Almost all of it has been in response to the way he has cared for me in the face of disagreement.

You see, all change, all learning, all transformation - it ALL begins with love. And the reality is - at least the reality I believe - if the personal beliefs we hold for ourselves and for one another aren't rooted in a desire to collectively love one another well, then I'm not sure what good our beliefs are.

In fact, they may be far more damaging than they are good.