What YOu See In The Mirror Matters A Lot

​If I were to write the story of my life - and oh, it just so happens I am - the story arch would read something like the journey of a man finding enduring joy on the other side of chasing short term highs.

Most of my life, I built my choices on short-term intoxicating highs. A drink to take the edge off. A bet to distract me. Online thrills to take the place of real life intimacy. My life has largely been chasing opportunities that promised to fill something inside me, only to leave me emptier once the high wore off.

My journey is incomplete; my guess is it always will be. But this weekend I was reminded that I do indeed know the secret to joy, that I am more than ever leaning into that secret. And for me, that secret often means turning down the high you know for a joy that is promised.

That can be tough, because highs serve a purpose.

They sooth the aches. They fill the voids and longings. For a moment they help one forget the parts of their life they've spent most of their life knowingly and unknowingly trying to forget.

Joy doesn't always do that. At least not with great immediacy. But what joy does, quite powerfully, joy reminds you of the truth. The truth of who you are, and that living a life that looks like who you are truly matters.

Turning down the highs in life for the joy that might come on the other side isn't easy. Not for someone who's built a life on those highs. But here's the surprising part when you do, the part that becomes a part of you.

You don't walk away bitter, or regretful, or even disappointed. You walk away with a strange sense of joy. Not the high you used to chase, but a deeper kind of joy that comes with finally knowing who you are and living like it matters.

I think that’s what real peace feels like - joy without the high.

Highs often masquerade as joy. They give intensity, adrenaline, or relief, but they don’t last. Joy, on the other hand, is quieter, more durable. It’s not about feeling good in the moment but about being aligned with who you are and what you value.

High's often keep you from ever having to determine who you are and what you value, in fact, highs lead you to believe those things don't matter at all.

Joy teaches you that little in life matters more.

Joy is certainly quieter and less intoxicating, but far more durable. And maybe little in life is more underrated than durability.

Highs convince you it doesn’t matter whether you’ve got it or not. Joy says you do, and it stays long enough for you to believe it. The story of my life is discovering just what a lie the high can be, and just how true joy always is.

The journey isn't easy, or complete, but this weekend I've been reminded the journey is worth it.

What you see in the mirror - it matters. A lot.