Where are you god?

​Where are you God?

Where are you God?

Where are you God?

I ask that question a lot lately. Over and over and over.

The thing is, I can get so demanding with that question, I can get so obnoxiously loud with it, that I can become deaf to God's answer. Because the reality is he always answers. He never leaves me hanging.

I'm right here, he says. Over and over and over.

I checked in on my son doing online school yesterday. There was a video playing of a woman doing a stretching routine. My son was plopped back in a chair with a blanket over him taking it in like a Netflix movie. It took all the restraint I had to keep from asking him if he wanted me to pop him some popcorn.

I asked him, what class is this?

Gym, he said.

Well aren't you supposed to be joining in with that routine - I mean, if it's gym and all.

He told me "the teacher said we don't have to."

She said you don't have to, I repeated, with a wee bit of skepticism.

Well, it's not like she can see if we're doing it or not....

I processed that for a second, then gently reminded him that not being completely on board with what someone says is not exactly the same thing as that person never having spoken at all.

This morning, as I'm reading through my devotionals and spending time reading God's word, oh I can hear God so loud and clear saying I'm right here.

It aggravates me a bit, to be honest, and I ask God, but where were you yesterday? Where were you in the noise and in the struggle and in the brokenness?

I can feel God processing that question for a bit. Then I hear him answer:

"You not being on board with what I say to you is not the same thing as me not being here."

I'm reminded this morning that not hearing and feeling God in my life is not a function of his absence, it's a function of me choosing to listen to and feel something other than God.