After a presentation yesterday, a man gave me some feedback. He was a large man with a deep voice, which made his feedback all the more challenging to hear.
He said, "you know, when you get to talking about all that brain stuff, you lose me. It goes right over my head. And to be honest, I don't care. I don't want to know it." There was a day when I would have become pretty defensive in that moment. There was a day when I would have been insistent on everyone understanding that your 'not getting it' and your 'not caring' is a you problem and not a me problem. But the man wasn't done talking, so I didn't interrupt to defend me and instead continued to listen to him. He went on to tell me that he has an office at the school where he works and students know they can come there to blow off steam. If you are angry, he lets them know, come here. Don't lash out somewhere else. You can yell here or cuss here or punch this punching bag here. But please, be angry here. When he was done talking he told me, politely, I don't mean any disrespect. I'm just being honest with you. I looked at him and said, my guess is after those kids let out their anger in your office they talk to you about what they were angry about. He said yes. I said, well, without knowing the brain you do indeed know a lot about the brain. Because what I teach most about the brain, and I totally get that it can get lost in some of the science-speak, is that the brain will always require us to feel safe and seen and connected before we can ever help someone learn a new behavior pattern or skill. Your office provides what the brain requires, I told him, and you provide the connection those students' brains crave. So I'm not offended, I told him. In beautiful ways you're already doing what I beg people to do once they know how the brain develops and processes. You skipped the learning and got right to the doing. You're good by me. I wonder how many beautiful stories I've missed in my life because I cut people off the moment I heard something that sounded like an attack on me? I wonder how many times I've missed the chance to lift people up because I felt in a moment like they were trying to tear me down? I wonder how many times I've assumed people weren't doing good just because they weren't doing my kind of good? As often as possible, I think it's best to let the conversation play out. As often as possible, I think it's best to get to know who people are before jumping to a conclusion they're criticizing who you are. Most of us know a lot, but we don't know everything. And the beauty is, people really don't need to know and care about what we know and care about to do some really loving things in this world. It's taken me a long time to figure that out, but my world gets richer the more I do.
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
CategoriesAll Faith Fatherhood Life Mental Health Perserverance Running |