So, as the story goes in the book of Genesis, it's a hot day in the desert. Abraham is hanging out in his tent, fanning himself, doing everything he can just to keep himself cool.
Then along comes God. I'm sure Abraham thought, this is an illusion. The heat is getting to me. But he gets up anyways and makes his way to God. God says, hey, where's Sarah, your wife. Oh, she's just chilling in the tent, Abraham told him. Well, God said, mark my word, I'm coming back through here a year from now and she'll be busy taking care of a baby. Laughter erupts from the tent. Sarah, who was eavesdropping while she was in the tent chilling, loses it. She's 90 years old and this God guy just said she's going to have a baby. Then God says in the scriptures: “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.” I read those words this morning, and I could almost hear God saying to Abraham - dude, like it's only a baby, you really think I can't pull this thing off? I mean, would you like to bet a couple of goats and a cow on this whole deal? God did come back a year later. And he would have won that bet. I confess, there are times lately when I get to feeling like I really need to hear God say, oh, mark my word, I'm going to pull this thing off. You may think you're too old, or too unqualified, or too damaged, or just too stinking far gone... but really, Keith, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" Reading this story in Genesis this morning, I could almost hear God saying, how much do you want to bet that I can pull this thing off in your life? I could see his frozen stare as I Iaughed out loud at the suggestion he could actually make something of this mess. I could hear God confidently say, talk to me a year from now. There are a lot of people who get to thinking I follow an arrogant God. I've heard him called a dictator and an egomaniac. My mission here this morning isn't to change anyone's opinions on that. I'm just here to say that sometimes it's nice to wake up in the morning, when you're not feeling so confident about life yourself, and hear a confident God tell you I've got this. It's nice to have a God who reminds me, in the midst of laughing at the suggestion he can make something of me, that time and time again he's made something of my messes. I guess it's just nice to wake up and feel like I follow a God I won't dare bet against. Especially when you get to betting against yourself.
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It's Monday. Another day; another week.
Maybe this is the week. This is the week you'll get your big break. Or, maybe you're like me, and you'll realize this is the week to start making the most of little breaks. This is the week to realize it's those little breaks that will one day become that big break we've dreaming of. Several years ago, I was working in a job I hated. Every morning I had to remind myself of the verse in Colossians that says we should work at all things as if we're working for the Lord. Many days I found myself saying, I love having you as a boss, Lord, but I'd love you more if you were my boss in a different job! Then along came an opportunity to lead a grant project in my local community working to reduce alcohol related crashes among young people. I'd never led a grant project. Didn't have much experience as a community builder. The pay was less - much less. The only experience I had appropriate for this job was that I used to drink way too much. Nothing on earth said this was a big break, but I ended up with that job anyways. A year or so into working on that grant project, a part-time position came open at the local college educating young people about the challenges of alcohol and drug issues. I'd partnered with the college on some of the grant work I was currently doing, and I now had some experience working on the issues the position required. This felt like more of a break. So I took that job. A couple of years later, when the grant funding ended - along with my primary source of income - a full-time job came open with the Virginia state government. The job was in the department that had managed the grant I'd just completed. My potential boss was someone I'd worked with during the grant - a woman I came to admire greatly. A couple of years into this job, I sat in a training on the impacts of adverse childhood experiences. This training changed my life in many ways. It certainly changed the work I did and do for the state. I took the lead on a project that trains presenters who educate their communities about the impacts of adverse childhood experiences. I do a lot of presentations on my own, as well as speaking at numerous events and conferences. A couple of weeks ago, I found myself being interviewed by some folks in England who are putting together promotional videos to educate their country and places around the world about the impacts of adverse childhood experiences. They had reached out to me because the co-founder of the company that trained me in this work - who was working with the folks in England on this project - told them this about me: "Keith is a passionate speaker - I think the best of everyone we've worked with. He is heartfelt, articulate and insightful. You will love interviewing him." During that interview with these folks, I felt like I was in the middle of a big break. So why am I telling you all of this? I promise you it's not to brag about me or my resume. If you've been following me, you know my resume is far more flawed than it is anything. I'm telling you this because after that "big break" experience, I realized it was a "big break" I'd never even dreamed of. It wasn't one I'd been hoping for. Instead, it was a moment in time culmination of a bunch of small breaks I'd had and taken advantage of along the way. Because that's what happens in life. Most of us don't win the lottery. Most of us don't receive the windfall of a huge inheritance. Most of us don't walk into a dream job or dream relationship. That's just not how life works. Life works best when we wake up on Monday. We look at every single thing we do today as a little break. And we make the most of them. Realizing that the only way we're ever going to experience a big break in life is through taking advantage of the daily little breaks we too often ignore. We do that believing that at the end of this week - or at the end of next week or next year - we're going to be sitting in what feels like a beautiful "big break" experience. And we're going to look back and be grateful for all the small breaks we had along the way. The small breaks that start today. I've never been snow skiing. But Seth Godin used a snow skiing analogy in a blog post this week that I could relate to.
He said ski slopes are marked by difficulty. A green circle marks the easiest slope - the slope you'll be able to get to the bottom of the quickest. Godin said many people would ask, why would anyone choose any other slope. But a skier, he said, would ask the exact opposite. They would ask, why would anyone choose the easiest path. Like I said, I'm not a skier. But I will say, I feel like I've spent a lot of time skiing down the slopes marked with the green circles in life. But more and more, I find myself looking for the more difficult slopes. Godin said, "the point of skiing isn't to get to the bottom. The point is how it feels on the way there." Several years ago, I started a podcast. I've continued it intermittently - life has gotten in the way of it recently - but starting that podcast was NOT a green circle slope. I had no idea what equipment I'd need. I didn't know how to record a conversation in the virtual world (believe it or not, there WAS a time when not everyone knew how to "zoom"). I didn't know how to edit that conversation after I'd recorded it. And I sure had no clue how to share it with the world. All I knew is I loved listening to podcasts, and I wanted to start one. The green-circle-slopes Keith would have let the idea of podcasting come and go. He'd have taken the easy route. But in this case, I went looking for the hardest slopes. Along the way, there were obstacles, unforseen challenges, bone-headed mistakes - oh, there were days podcasting was not pretty. But more than any of that, along the way there was opportunity. I had the opportunity to talk to some of the most inspiring people I've ever talked to. I got to hear and learn from their stories - many that inspire things I write to this day. And other people listening to those conversations - they said these stories were making them better too. I didn't get to the bottom of the hill very fast in the podcasting journey, but the way down felt as life-giving as most any slope I'd ever been on. I have a friend who this week said to me, "I'm sure you can appreciate it when I say that when you have a strong feeling to do something that won't go away, you just have to throw caution to the wind and do it." There was a day when I wouldn't have been able to appreciate that. I would have leaned far more into caution than into giving myself over to the wind. But more and more I'm not afraid of the wind. I'm discovering wind doesn't always want to beat against my face - push back on my life. Sometimes the wind is saying, I want to show you this slope over here. Oh, it's full of challenges and obstacles. But you're in for a treat. The loudest voice in life sometimes seems to be screaming "green circle slopes over here - come and get them!!" I'm learning that sometimes we need to put our hands over our ears, block that voice, and head over to the black diamond slopes. (I'm not a skiier, but I'm told these are the slopes where you truly throw caution to the wind). What black diamond slope have you been avoiding? Where have you been afraid to throw caution to the wind? Where have you chosen the quickest way down at the expense of all you might have felt and experienced taking the long way down? We live in a world that makes it very difficult to come to know the God I'm trying to know. We live in a world that makes it very difficult for me to become the person God wants me to become.
Mainly, because we live in a world that many days - and in many places - is built upside down from the kind of world God is building. God is building a world where the last are going to be first. That IS the world he is relentlessly building. And many days, I and we - we are the opposition. We are not the "with" in God's plan. Because many days, our desires and choices are focused on being first. Whole days pass when my focus is on "how do I get Keith to the front of the line?" Whole days - maybe weeks - pass when I don't even take a glance at the people in the back of the line. Brian Mclaren says, "If you hoard your blessings while others suffer in need, that's not true aliveness. True aliveness comes when we receive blessings and become a blessing to others. It's not a blessing racket - figuring out how to plot prosperity for me and my tribe. It's a blessing economy where God plots goodness for all." For me, Mclaren's words aren't a theory. Some days I feel like my life has been one grand chase of feeling alive. Trust me, there's very little I have not experimented with in that pursuit. The results of that experiment? The days I've felt most alive have been the days I've focused on helping the last become first. So why not stay there? Why not hang out at the back of the line where maybe I don't always feel good, but I always feel alive? I think it's because I've bought into the lie the world wants us to believe. That feeling alive and feeling good are always the same thing. So many of us - hand raised high here - get to chasing the things that makes us feel good, only to get them, stand on the podium holding that trophy high above our heads, only to realize, well that doesn't feel as alive as I thought it would feel... In running, I am that back of the line guy. I'm often the guy that when I cross the finish line, the race can officially be declared over. Race volunteers, we can pack up now. And this back of the pack guy, I've had many front of the pack runners come back to help me get to that finish line. Often at the expense of their own race. And over and over, they will say, that was one of the most meaningful running experiences they've had. I'm not sure there is anything more symbolic for me than that image. A runner running to the back of the pack to help another runner be his or her best. It's this image I have of God, and how he spends his days. I see God running all day long to the back of the pack of every race on earth, helping the last runner home. When I go to bed exhausted from my 25 mile trail race, God is still out their running. To the back of the pack to help that last runner home. Side by side God is running WITH them. He is seeking goodness WITH them. And in God's eyes, there is no expense to that. In God's eyes, that is alive - running to the back of the pack to make sure everyone experiences blessings. The person on the podium, and the person who crosses the finish line long after the podium has been taken down. God's idea of alive is making sure they both feel EQUALLY alive. This is a tough world to get to know THAT God in. This is a world that wants us to believe alive is at the front of the line. It's a world that pressures us to push our way there. Alive is first place, not last. But you are like me, I'm sure of it. You've ventured to the back of the line before, you've helped the last become first, and my guess is, like me, you felt alive doing it. I think it's because there, you ran into God - you ran into God and his love for everyone. I'm sure that is where God wants me to become the me is is trying to help me become. Earlier this week, I Iistened to Rich Roll interview Alexi Pappas. She's a distance runner who represented Greece in the 2016 Olympics. Pappas recently wrote a book, Bravey, in which she talks about losing her mom to suicide when she was five, overcoming her own battles with depression, and embracing pain on the way to making dreams come true.
About chasing dreams, Pappas says confessing them is one of the bravest things we can do. Because when we confess them, we've suddenly opened ourselves up to the possibility they'll never come true. It made me wonder, how many of us have quit dreaming for that very reason. How many of us have found it easier to NOT dream than face the possibility - and maybe the reality too many times - that not all dreams come true. How many of us have lost the courage to say, oh I want this... Whether it's dreaming of seeing our book on the shelf of a bookstore, crossing the finish line of a 100-mile race, a dream job or relationship, a trip to some far away place or maybe it's simply imagining the kind of mom or dad we want to be to our kids, how many of us have quit having those dreams because they might not come true? I love listening to people like Alexi Pappas. Because she wasn't always an Olympic athlete. She was once a dreamer just like me. She was simply brave enough to confess her dreams. Pappas said something else about dreams that was powerful. She said, "A dream comes true very, very slowly and then all at once. A lot of it is unglamorous. It's on us to keep making the decisions that will be in our favor, including when we have a setback." I think too often we do admit our dreams, but then at the first hint of a setback we pack it in. Oh have I been there a time or two. I think about my writing. I remember being an elementary school student staring at a graded writing assignment that had "this is very creative" written at the top of the paper in bright red letters. I think that was the first time I wanted to be something. Along the way of being that something, I had people tell me things and I've told myself things that have led me to believe that something is a waste of time, that's a dream that will never happen. But for decades - very, very slowly - I've been writing. And today, I believe more than ever one day soon that dream will come true, all of a sudden. I'm convinced this world needs the dreams we are all holding onto to come true. This world needs you to chase your best self. The world needs you to be brave enough to do that. So, please, admit what you want. Surround yourself with people who believe you can get it. And then, every day, make choices that will be in favor of that dream come true. There's this crazy story in chapter 12 of the book of Genesis about a guy named Abram. The story starts like this:
Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. That's right. God just shows up in this guy's life - a guy who was, in those times, living the good life - and God says, follow me, and I'll show you a whole new land. That's not even the CRAZIEST part of the story. Two verses later we get that. Because without any indication that Abram said let me think about it, let me get my affairs in order, let me talk this over with the family - without any of that - the story jumps right to: So Abram went...... There's a critical part of this story we often miss. God said he was sending Abram on this journey to make Abram's name great, SO THAT he would be a blessing to OTHERS. Oh how I often overlook the SO THAT in my journey. All along the stops of Abram's journey, he built altars. He built altars so God would know Abram was still with him on this journey. He built altars so others would know God had been there. If you follow God, then he's inserted himself into your life. He has said to you, like he said to Abram, follow me. I have this cool land I want to show you. Come on, don't waste time, I'm going to make you great so you can be a blessing to others. This morning, I'm asking myself, as someone who longs to see this cool place God wants to show me, am I on this journey with God to make my name great, or am I on it to be a blessing to others. Because we live in a world that encourages us to pursue personal greatness at all costs. We live in a world where no matter how deeply we long to follow God, we can get blinded to the big SO THAT in the Genesis story. So that you will be a blessing. What altars am I leaving behind in my walk through this world? When I journey through the lives of others in this world, what altar do they remember about our engagement. When I walk away from those engagements, am I hoping people will remember me - or God - and which one will they remember. Like Abram, we are all building altars all along this journey we are on. Every one of us is. The question is, are they altars that celebrate and reflect our own personal greatness, or are they altars that are blessing to others? I was a little nervous driving home from my race last Saturday. My phone was rapidly dying at the same time I was depending on it to give me directions to the house.
I started wondering, out in the middle of country back roads, what am I going to do if the phone suddenly stops rattling off the directions I'm clinging to? Just then, I happened to look down at my dashboard. As if some divine answer to my wondering, I saw the letter S. The letter that let me know I was traveling south. Well, that's it, I thought. I know home is south. If I keep driving this direction, I'll eventually get there. I had a friend who once told me she wanted to badly learn more about Jesus. She said, some days I don't know how to exactly follow him, and so some days I don't know if I really am. I'll never forget what she went on to say. It's one of the most beautiful - yet in some ways sad things - I've ever heard. She said, I guess I just try to make sure my heart is pointed in the right direction. I just try to point my heart to him and follow and I hope one day that will be enough. I think the sad part of that hit me first. The sad part was that many Jesus followers - and I'm quite sure that includes me - had made her think following Jesus required step by step directions. Turn here, not there. Do this, not that. Vote for him, not him. In some ways, I'd contributed to making her feel like her phone had died - that she no longer had access to her directions to Jesus. Yet, she did. In many ways she had the directions memorized. And when she said, I just try to make sure my heart is pointed in the right direction, following Jesus took on a whole new direction in my own life. This friend, you could always find her somewhere loving other people. It's like she was always looking down at the dashboard of her life and seeing a big L. Love. I guess she figured as long as I follow Love I'll get where I'm going sooner or later. You know, 13 times in the gospels, Jesus says follow me. The invitation didn't come with a fancy app or an oversized map. It came with love - overwhelming love. A love so big that once our hearts were overwhelmed by it, and overflowed towards him, we'd never be able to miss the big L on the dashboard of our lives. Maybe that was Jesus' way of saying you don't need to memorize me to get me. Or to get TO me. Just love. And if you love long enough, sooner or later you're going to find me. Yesterday, I ran the Icy8 eight hour trail race on the trails of Lake Anna State Park. When it was done, I'd run 25 miles.
I've run that far before, but not often. Before the race, I was laughing with my friend Solomon about writing, and specifically, about writing race stories. I told him about a friend who once told me, "Keith, your problem is you want to be able to write the ending to your life story. Life isn't as easy as writing," she said. She had a point, I suppose. But there is also some truth in this: maybe I can't write the ending to my life story, but I can sure choose to live a life that tells the kind of story I want to write about. I love the picture below - me crossing the finish line at the end of a long day. But it's not me I noticed first in the picture. It's the man standing to my right, watching me cross that finish line, a proud smile on his face - almost like he'd been rooting for me all day. He had. He had been rooting for me all day. Like he'd been rooting for many others. Each time we finished a loop in the race, we reported it to him. Each time he wrote it down, he said good job. He said it with the celebratory heart of a man who knew a runner had just overcome another obstacle in life. And people love stories of people overcoming obstacles in life. Yesterday, after mile 20, I posted a picture of myself on Facebook. I said "5 miles to go, but it feels like 500" - I was saying, it feels like a GIANT obstacle ahead. And people responded with a chorus of "get it" or "you can do it". A chorus that sung to me. But, as much as people were cheering for me and my story, I believe they were cheering for themselves too. In rooting for someone else to overcome the obstacle in their lives, they feel inspired to overcome the obstacles in their own lives. We love an overcoming the obstacles story because that's what life is - life is an overcoming the obstacles story. When I start reading or hearing someone's story that suggests they've always been a winner, I stop reading. Give me the story of someone who has spent their life feeling like they are losing, feeling like life will never let them win, and then they decide to win anyways. I want that story, because it's me. And it's you. I think that's the secret to a good life, really. Owning that - owning that life is nothing but obstacles, and having the good life is about getting good at wanting to overcome them. Not always actually overcoming them, maybe, but living with a fire that always wants to. Bring on that next obstacle - you're all mine. I loved the format of yesterday's race. 5 mile loops all day long. There was an opportunity at the end of each loop to call it a day. And there was also an opportunity to ask, what is my story? What ending do I want to write to my story today? Will it be I grew weary of the obstacles? Or will it be each time I had a chance to attack one more obstacle, I attacked it. 5 times yesterday I got to choose what story I wanted to write in life. No, I didn't get to write the story of how my life ends, I didn't get to write a happily ever after, but I did get to write the story of how I live my life. And 5 times, the man in this picture. He loved my story. And really, looking at this picture, I think he kind of liked the ending I wrote yesterday as well. So I'll keep running. I'll keep looking for obstacles. I'll keep writing. And who knows, maybe that actually is the secret to one day writing happily ever after. 2/5/2021 0 Comments If you could snap your fingers and become who you'd always wanted to be, would you snap your fingers?While walking last night, I was listening to a podcast conversation between two men I've really come to appreciate - Dr. Rangan Chaterjee and Rich Roll. During this conversation, Roll said the following:
"Even if you were given the opportunity to snap your fingers and become the person you always wanted to become, you're still robbing yourself of what's most valuable about that transformation, which is the journey to get there." I'll have to go back and listen to the rest of their conversation, because from that point on I was in my own world. In that world, I was lost in trying to answer the question: Keith, would you snap your fingers? I found myself thinking back on a time when I was who I thought I wanted to be. In the mid 1990s, I went to work as a counselor in a residential wilderness program for at-risk kids in eastern North Carolina. I wasn't in that role long before I knew, one day I'm going to be the director of this camp. 8 years later, I was. I was who I'd wanted to be. On that treadmill yesterday, I thought back on those 8 years - the journey - the transformation of that counselor to a camp director. I thought about those early years of being a counselor. The long days and nights. Kids with challenges in their lives I never knew existed. The endless sea of crisis. I thought about the days of feeling hopelessly lost at that sea. But then I thought about the transformation - the day I felt like there wasn't a sea I couldn't calm in those kids' lives. I thought about the early days of being a supervisor. How I loved the idea of having people who had to listen to me. I'm the boss. I am your manager. But then I thought about the transformation - the day I longed to know the people who worked with me, not for me. The day I started wanting to lead people to a place we all wanted to go, and not coerce them into following me to a place I wanted to go. I thought about the day I had to leave that camp in North Carolina to take a position at one in Tennessee. A growth opportunity, they said. Leave behind a place that had become home for a place where I was a complete stranger - growth? But then I thought about the transformation. The day I came to realize a lot of people feel like complete strangers in their worlds. Being one for a couple of years helped me better understand those people - grow a heart for them - all the while as I came to better understand me. I looked back on those early days of being a counselor. I suppose if someone had given me the chance - snap those fingers, Keith - you'll be that camp director. You'll be who you want to be. My guess is I would have been dancing around and snapping those fingers high in the air - a finger-snapping fool I'd have been. But then came the bigger question. Keith, you have challenges in your life right now. There are things missing in your life you want, things in it you don't want. There's the dream job. There's the best seller. There's that 100-mile race. The debt you'd like to see erased. On that treadmill, that question kept coming - if you could snap your fingers and become the person you'd always wanted to become, would you snap your fingers? The question kept coming until I answered. And I said no. Just enough times in my life I've had the chance to be who at some point prior to that I'd dreamed of being. Just enough times to know, beyond a doubt, the value in being that person was not found in arriving there. It was found in all that transformed me along the way. If you're struggling today, it will be tempting to want to snap your fingers. Don't. Something in that struggle is preparing you for who you want to be. Trusting that is hard. Lord is it hard. But if you snap your fingers, you'll never discover just how true it is. 2/4/2021 0 Comments Do what lies clearly at handYou want to know one of my most backward prayers? It goes something like this. God, if you'll just let me know what the future holds for me - just give me a sign, God - I'll know better what to do today.
Oh, you show me my tomorrow God, and I'll rock your today. Just watch and see. And God's answer? Quit making frickin excuses. The greatest excuse in my life for not doing what is clearly at hand today - it ranks right up there with not being able to fix yesterday - is my inability to see what lies dimly at a distance. Running has taught me that. Early as a runner, training for a big race, thinking ahead to race day, that often became a great excuse not to run this day. Will I be able to run that far? What will the weather be like? Will I be injured or healthy? Will I make the cutoffs? Will I finish first or dead last? The reality about all of those questions? Sitting on a couch pondering them was sometimes easier than getting up and doing exactly what I knew needed to be done that day. And, that is run.... Get off the couch and go run. I've battled this week. (Thank God it's Thursday!!) At the core of that battle, though, as I think about it this morning, is exactly this quote I've shared with you. I've spent a lot of time this week squinting, forcefully staring into the distance at that dim view, trying with all my might to bring that speck of a view of the future into absolute focus. I'm not trying hard enough, looking long enough - that's why I can't see the future. That's my problem, right? That's my struggle. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me - and it's because I'm not trying hard enough to figure it out. I dont' know about that, but I do know this. I almost always know something meaningful I can do with my right now. I can almost always come up with something that will better shape my life now than trying to figure out the ultimate shape of it down the road. I can go for a run without knowing what will ultimately come of that run - and I've suddenly done more to figure out my future than wondering about it. I can write a blog post without knowing who is going to read it - and I've suddenly done more to figure out my future than wondering about it. I can Facetime my boys for 5 minutes today without knowing if they will love me forever when they're in their 20s - and I've suddenly done more to figure out my future than wondering about it. I can be a good relationship today without knowing if the relationships I long for will be there tomorrow - and I've suddenly done more to figure out my future than wondering about it. Doing the things that are clearly at hand, it's actually a double winner. Not only are you actually doing something that shapes your future in the direction you'd like to see it go, it's also the best way to distract yourself away from the worry that it will never go the way you want it to. If you find yourself staring at something dimly in the distance today, keep moving. Don't stop - don't stare. As you walk away, ask yourself, what is clearly at hand, what can I do right now? Then do it. |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
May 2024
CategoriesAll Faith Fatherhood Life Mental Health Perserverance Running |