5/20/2021 0 Comments Choosing Paths That Feed Our SoulsThe other day, someone sent this message to me:
"Just yesterday, I gave notice at my second job, which is a bit scary financially, so that I can finally have time to find my way towards a more connected and meaningful life." Here's the thing about that message. For a long time, I think, this person knew leaving that second job was the right choice. Matthew McConaughey talks a lot about making choices that fill our souls. He says that not often enough do we stop and pause and wonder what kind of impact a choice we're making for financial reasons will have on our souls next week or next month or next year. I think finances - and other decision-making pressures in life - get us trapped on these paths that leave us feeling like we're on one of those people-mover belts you get on at the airport. You stand there - holding your luggage and all your belongings - and you exit when and where the people mover ultimately moves you to. How many of us are in people mover jobs? People mover relationships? People mover battles with our health and wellness? How many of us are in situations we are waiting out, hoping for magic, instead of performing our own magic? The magic that comes with making a hard choice we know will ultimately feed our souls. If the right choice for feeding a soul is quitting that second job - well that choice gets no easier ten years down the road. You've simply missed out on ten years of soul food while riding the job people-mover. Our lives aren't people movers. They are paths. And if the path you're on isn't feeding your soul, hike back out and take a new one. Or, cut right through the middle of the stinking woods and MAKE a new one. The greatest threat to our souls is coming to believe that our paths in life choose us and that we no longer have control over them. They suck us on and our path becomes a people-mover. Some of us have easier paths than others; I realize that. Some of us have the privilege of safer and more secure paths to choose from. It's all relative. But every one of us has the opportunity to decide how we will handle our next step. For this person leaving that second job - turns out what made that choice hard was believing for far too long it was a choice that couldn't be made. And while this person was living their life, their life was waiting on them. Day after day. I read this quote last night: "Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life" - Robin Sharma I would add to that - don't get on the people-movers in life because you think that's the only way to get from one place to the next. Just because a path seems harder - maybe impossible - well that doesn't make it so. Often it just makes it a harder choice to make. A more difficult journey. But often - it's the hard choices that ultimately feed our souls.
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Yesterday, I started a 3-day training where I teach people how to lead presentations in their communities about the impacts of childhood adversity.
To open the training, I always have folks read an article on the habits of the mind. Then, when they introduce themselves, they tell us which habit of the mind resonates with them this particular day. The habits of the mind we talk about are curiosity, perseverance, reflectiveness, openness and respect. It's a powerful hour - listening to 25 strangers take us on a tour of their minds. They don't just tell us which habit they resonate with - but why. Why do their minds cling to perseverance? Why are they curious about the world? Why are they so committed to a mind that is respectful? I'll be honest, as folks introduce themselves and tell their stories, I'm taking notes. I'm scribbling down quotes. I'm sitting there taking it all in and thinking, I can't believe I'm getting paid to hear people's stories. I think it feels like such a blessing because more and more I realize life is about learning. The ultimate destination in life is maturity. Not a place or a person or a situation in life, but maturity. And maturity only comes through learning from our experiences. As I listened to strangers talk to me about their minds yesterday, it was clear their minds had been shaped by the experiences in their lives. I was driving the other day and my mind started wandering toward college. Unlike many folks, I don't have fond memories of my college experience. But I was trying to think of one meaningful thing I learned in a college class that benefits me in any way these days. I couldn't think of one. Side note - and just so I'm clear - that's not because college is a bad thing. The reality is I was a bad thing for college. But we live in a world obsessed with degrees - an obsession led by too many of our employers - so I'm fortunate to have one. With that said - owning that I've never been a great student - I feel plenty smart and plenty wise. That's not bragging about my intelligence as much as it is reminding myself how important it is to learn from every single experience we have in life. Because I DO believe - there is something to be learned in every single experience. That's why I find the bible fascinating. The bible isn't a list of what to do and what not to do - although I'm sure you've had interactions with people who try to reduce it to that. But the bible is a giant book of people's experiences - most of them unpleasant experiences - and then a recap of what they learned from them. The bible is a book about the journey to maturity. The bible is a master class on the importance of learning from the lives we live, not trying to mold them in to perfection. Sure, it points us in the direction of a best life, but always seems to do so with a recognition that we are going to screw up royally all the way there. I think that's what too often stands in the way of our learning. We see stumbling as a reason to feel dumb or ashamed or less than. When in reality, that stumbling is another opportunity to learn. It's another opportunity to sharpen the habits of our mind. It's another step on the way to maturity. 5/18/2021 0 Comments Where was your baby picture takenDid you know a newborn baby has as many as 20,000 new neurons born every second? (Neurons are the cells in our body trying to mediate what's going on inside our body and outside of it in a way that keeps us alive and safe).
By comparison - me - well I'll be lucky to have 700 new neurons born all of TODAY. Because those neurons wire together in response to our experiences, science tells us that our experiences in the earliest days of our lives have significantly more impact on who we ultimately become than the things we experience decades down the road. Often, when I'm out speaking or teaching on the overall importance of what happens to us in childhood, I'll challenge the audience to ponder a question about the people they interact with. I wonder where his or her baby picture was taken? The idea of that question came to me after reflecting on a picture of my first-born baby - Elliott - 14 years ago. Elliott spent the earliest days of his life in a NICU. I have a picture of my hand reaching into Elliott's incubator - his eyes are fixed on that hand - and in that moment several of his 20,000 new neurons were connecting to form memories of my face - so that his brain would always automatically recognize me as a form of love and safety. To me that will always be Elliott's baby picture. But in that same NICU, there were dozens of little babies who never had one visitor the whole time I was there. I'll always wonder how their neurons ultimately wired together. Who helped them feel loved and safe? Did they ever get to feel that way.....? I'll always know where their baby picture was taken. That there was no hand in their picture. I told someone the other day - I've come to believe that life is a big wrestling match. Some days, I know it feels like that wrestling match is with one another. But the reality - I think - is we are all in a wrestling match with our childhoods. We are wrestling to make sense of them or overcome them or tap into the beauty of them - or all of that at once - but frequently the emotions of us wrestling with us spills over into our interactions with one another. We humans are a judgmental bunch. So frequently, we don't look with much favor on those spillovers. We look at them and think "he's a jerk" or "she's a psycho" or "someone please lock that clown up and throw away the key." I've come to believe in, even if imperfectly - and encourage - one final step before judging. And that is to wonder - where was his or her baby picture taken. I get accused at times of trying to make excuses for peoples' behaviors. But I'm not. I'm trying to understand them. I'm trying to love the unlovable. Because I've at times been quite unlovable, and I've been grateful for the people who tried to understand me before judging me. I'm grateful for the people who've taken the time to consider that there's a whole lifetime of experiences shaping the me they are currently experiencing. Grateful for the people who realize we are all in a wrestling match. I think stopping - pausing - and wondering, where was their baby picture taken? I think maybe that's the ultimate form of empathy. And I happen to believe that as much poverty as there is in the world, there is no greater poverty than the poverty of empathy. May is mental health awareness month. Maybe my tip for you today is to stop and pause if you have a challenging interaction with someone. Stop and pause and wonder - where was their baby picture taken? It's a beautiful reminder that who you are interacting with is a product of a lifetime and not a display of one moment in time. I promise you; you won't be practicing excuse-making - you'll be practicing empathy. And we need more empathy. Alexi Pappas says, "it takes a certain amount of bravery to make the leap from interested to committed, often in the most challenging moments when nobody would blame you for quitting."
I've asked myself that a lot lately - how much of my life have I been committed to, and how much of it have I simply been interested in. Running has taught me how big the difference is between interested and committed. Whether it's a training run, an actual race or a 'just for the health of it' run, a run always starts with "I'm interested in this." Being interested provides no benefit. Going from I'm interested to I did it - that's forward progress. And forward progress can be life changing. Literally - it can be life changing. Because when you look back on a life you've simply been interested in - you see stagnant. You see stationary. You see dreams you're forced to own were just that - dreams. You see a life that took off without you. Are you committed to the week ahead, or simply interested in it? I think the answer is in your calendar. Is your calendar this week filled in by life. Is it full of appointments and demands that someone else put on you, or does it have penciled in some things you're committed to doing to move forward - to get better - to say I'm living life, not standing back watching it speed ahead. Maybe the best motivation is looking back at last week. Was it an interesting week, or was it a week you were committed to? It's ironic, really, when you look back at a week you were simply interested in. It turns out - it wasn't a very interesting week at all. What is something you're committed to this morning - something you can name out loud that you will do this week that makes the leap from interested to committed. Maybe it's your faith. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's your job or a project. What is one thing right now, in this moment, that you refuse to be sitting here next Monday realizing, I could have committed to doing something to make that area of my life better - but instead, I sit here realizing I was only interested in that area being better. Next Monday is the test. There's only one question on the test - was I interested or committed. The beauty is, this morning, you get to decide whether or not you'll ace that test. I hope we all get straight A's. 5/16/2021 0 Comments In the valley of competing voicesYesterday, I shared these words from Steven Furtick:
"You might be walking through a valley between two voices. One is wisdom, one is worry. One is gratitude, one is grumbling. One is blame, one is faith. One is telling you you’re going to make it. One is trying to convince you that you won’t. The one you listen to matters." I spent time hiking with the boys yesterday. And in quiet moments on the trail - as much quiet as there can be hiking with boys - I reflected on those words. I came away believing the most dominant competing voices in my life are the voices of me and of God. For as long as I can remember, I've heard the quiet voice of God in my life saying, 'follow me.' And for as long as I can remember, I've had a much louder voice in my life saying, you don't need God - only YOU know what's best for YOU. That is the voice of me. The one problem with God's voice - it's quiet. God doesn't rely on volume, he's all in on persistence. He's the quiet voice that shows up first thing in the morning pointing me to hope. His is the last voice to tell me good night - to tell me no matter what I think I am or I am not at the end of that day, he still loves me. He is still showing up. I haven't always been good with quiet voices. I've tended to gravitate to volume. I've often heard clearest the loudest voices in my life. The voices telling me I'm not good enough to follow God. The voices telling me I'm too broken to ever be whole. The voices telling me the people around me don't accept me - why would God. The voices telling me I'm never going to be forgiven. I'm never going to be without guilt. The voices telling me the next step is going to be as ugly as the last. These days, I'm much better at shutting down those voices in my life. I think that's because every time I get quiet enough to listen to God's voice, I hear 'you already are.' You already are good enough and whole and accepted and forgiven. You already are taking that next step - and I am with you. You already are following me, he says - it may not be pretty, but you are following. I think the secret to hearing the right voice in the valley of competing voices is all about volume. Sometimes we have to be willing to let the quietest voice win. When we do, our voice gets louder than ever. And miraculously, it starts to sound a lot like God's voice. Fear is always trying to dictate the terms in life.
Fear likes to keep our hopes rooted in moving targets. Fear knows when our hopes are tied to the ecomony, hope fades the moment the economy begins to collapse. Fear knows when our hopes are tied to our health, hope fades the moment a deadly virus arrives. It's ironic, really - fear lives in fear. Fear lives in fear of us ever collectively finding hope in a target that sits unwavering in the face of any challenge. In Psalm 11, David has people in his ear telling him the world is collapsing. You need to run and hide David. You pride yourself on doing the right thing, they tell him, well you are no longer living in a world where doing the right thing makes any difference at all. And David says - in Psalm 11:4 The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven; his eyes see, his eyelids test the children of man. David is saying maybe this world is collapsing, But God is still God. God is still where God is. He still sees me and he is still waiting on me. David said my hope isn't found clinging to the moving targets of this world, my hope is found in the home God has prepared for me. Here's the thing we need to know about that home. At least how I've come to see it and experience it. God didn't send us an email or a text or a fancy invitation in the mail to come live in this home with him. He came to earth personally to literally touch lives with a hope that never moves. He came into the lives of people whose health had collapsed - whose economies had collapsed. And when he walked out of their towns and out of their lives, he left behind people who were experiencing a hope like they'd never experienced before. Those biblical stories would be a farce to me except for the reality I too have experienced that shift from hopelessness to hopeful. I too have shifted from living in a dark place when the things of this world collapsed around me to living within the light of a home that is waiting on me. But I always have to remember, God didn't wait on me to get home. God came to live in me long before he'll say come live with me forever. God came to be an unmovable hope in my life long before he'll bring me to his unmovable home. The other thing I need to remember about that. And it's probably not "the other thing" as much as it is "THE thing" - God came to be an unmovable hope in my life to keep me constantly stirred to be an unmovable hope in someone else's life. We were created to walk each other toward an unmovable hope. We were created to walk with each other when the economy collapses. When health collapses. We were made to walk with unmovable hope together. And you know who celebrates most when we walk away from how we were made? Fear does. The fear that wants to dictate the terms of this world wants us to cling to moving targets and not each other. 5/13/2021 0 Comments The Beauty That bindsMy friend Beth is one of the most beautiful humans I know. If you ask me why, I'll say the quote below sums it up. I'm not sure I know anyone more committed to finding beauty in this world.
What struck me yesterday about Beth's words was the word effort. This idea that many times beauty isn't the result of what we see, but the work we put into finding it - and seeing it. After reading Beth's quote yesterday, I looked up the word imprint. I found: a mark made by pressing something onto a softer substance so that its outline is reproduced. After reading that definition, I suddenly pictured the outline of this flower Beth found reproduced on her beautiful and soft heart. I pondered out loud to Beth - I wonder if imprints aren't made behind the force of our effort to find that something that left the imprint? Last night, I found myself unexpectedly thinking about Beth's quote in the context of relationships. I saw a friend share on Facebook last night some very real and vulnerable thoughts about her appearance. She pointed out the flaws she saw when she looked in the mirror. Then she added there have been people in her life that have pointed out things they would change about her. It was a sad post. I was sad for her. I was sad for us. Because I think we do that a lot. We focus a lot on the beauty that's easy to see on the outside of one another when we enter relationships. The kind of beauty you see with a quick glance in the mirror. Only that beauty, it doesn't leave an imprint. It took no effort to find, so the person on the other side of that relationship doesn't leave an imprint on our heart. Mutual attraction is nice - it just doesn't leave the kind of imprint that binds. My friend Beth had to work hard to find this flower on her morning walk yesterday. She had to wade through the weeds and the overgrown paths to get to it. But what she found - she will never forget. It's that way with us - with one another. When we find the people who are willing to take that overgrown path into our mirror - deep beneath the glass - people who will wade through the weeds of our lives and discover something beautiful at the core of it all - we will leave an imprint on their hearts. And them on ours for their willingness to look. The world and the people around you will not magically leave imprints on your heart today. You are going to have to be willing to put forth the effort to find the beauty. But when you do - oh I promise you - it will leave an imprint much deeper than you've ever found on the edge of the path - much deeper than you've ever found looking in the mirror. This will be an imprint that binds. And we need more of those imprints. Too often, those of us who read the bible - we miss the points.
Too often, we think the bible is something to be read and proved to others and not absorbed by self. Too often, we think of the people in the bible as biblical characters and not people doing life just like you and me. People who have stories that we can relate to. Stories we can learn from. This weekend, I heard a pastor tell the story of Jochebed. If you can't say her name and if you've never heard of her - welcome to my world. But Jochebed was Moses' mom. And I think we've all heard of Moses. Moses was born in Egypt during troubled times. The leader of Egypt was worried about the growing population of enslaved Israelites - like he was paranoid and believed these people may one day take over his country. So he ordered that all Hebrew baby boys must be killed. I'd always known what Moses' mom did to save Moses. But learning her name, and reflecting a little more on the risks she took saving him, I guess this weekend I could relate to her a little more. You see, after hiding Moses from the Egyptians for three months, Jochebed put Moses in a basket along the Nile River believing God would rescue him. She believed, in that basket and on that river, her baby would float to safety. And long story short - that's what happened. Moses was rescued. Now, Moses would go on to become a great biblical hero. A name we all know. But what about Jochebed? What if one of the main points of the story of Moses is Jochebed - the mom who took the risk that allowed the son to become the hero he became? Risk: the possibility of incurring misfortune or loss; hazard. Jochebed literally risked her life because she believed in her son. From the earliest minutes of his life, she saw in him the leader he ultimately became. She valued him, so she took a risk. As I heard this pastor telling this story, I thought about my own life. I've taken risks lately because of things I deeply value. I've second guessed myself for these risks. I've been judged by insiders and outsiders alike for them. Every day I process the reality of misfortunate and loss. Yet, every day, it's the things I value that I hear loudest. Nothing in the world was going to stand in the way of Jochebed hiding her baby boy - or putting him in that basket. Not because she was a reckless risk-taker, but because she valued that baby boy enough to take the risk. My guess is she didn't think her actions were nearly as risky as others interpreted them to be. I think too often we live our lives avoiding risks. We see the possibility of incurring misfortune or loss as a reason to avoid making our next move in life instead of considering the possibility that risk comes with going after the things we value in life. More and more, I believe it's the risks we don't take that we should fear more than the ones we do. My bet is, Moses would agree with me. Last evening, I went to the gym to do 2 miles on the treadmill. I had run earlier in the day, so I simply wanted to spend 30 minutes moving. Two 15-minute miles - a fast walk for me.
I'd barely started when I found myself wanting to hit the speed button. I wanted to add a little pep to the belt and get it over with. But I didn't go to the gym for the 2 miles. I didn't go to check off a box. I went for the 30 minutes. If we're not careful, life can quickly lure us into a series of check boxes. Check. Check. Check. Next. Next. Next. I felt that in my praying this morning. Honestly - I feel it many mornings in my praying. I'm talking to God, but my to-do list is clearing it's throat in the background. Eh hem - we have things to do.... God will understand. Andy Stanley says, "the things we get distracted by are never as important as the things we get distracted from." Call me convicted Andy. Yesterday, I finished the book 'Bravey' by Alexi Pappas. Some of you may be thinking, my word Keith, haven't you been reading that book for weeks. Yes. The answer is yes. But that book is full of underlines and highlights and journal thoughts in the margins. Trust me, you do NOT want to borrow my copy of this book for your own reading pleasure. 😮 I've drawn arrows connecting one word to another because I was floored by how she used those words together to make a beautiful point. I've written no less than a dozen articles about things she's said and things she's made me think and feel. This book has been an experience far more meaningful that closing it up and checking it off. In the time I've been reading this book, Amazon has delivered 5 more books. Each one of them begging me to hurry up already and be done with Alexi and her thoughts on being brave and resilient. But I ignored them. Because I knew what they were trying to distract me from was too beautiful an experience to be rushed through. I think God wants me to spend time highlighting and underlining him a little more often. He wants me writing in the margins of our chats. I think God wants me to resist pushing the speed button on our conversations like I avoid hitting it on that 30 minute treadmill experience. What experiences are you speeding through to simply check them off at the expense of highlighting some experiences in your life. What areas in your life are you not writing in the margins of because you're wasting time on experiences that aren't worth writing about at all. I have a bunch of them. But fewer than I ever have. There are a lot of things I've decided just aren't worth doing at all. The only price to be paid in that? I suddenly need more pens and highlighters 🤷♂️ 5/10/2021 0 Comments that next step takes courageEndurance running has been a great teacher. The thing it's taught me best is to keep going. When things feel hard, and impossible to overcome, almost always - there is one more step in me.
I'm not sure there's a greater belief to have about myself than 'I do have one more step in me.' The thing about running, though, is we always know the endpoint. Whether it's a mile to go or ten, we always know how much further we have to go to get to 'I did it.' Many things in life we're shooting for don't come with the finish line so nicely defined. We don't always get to know how much further we have to go. Shoot - we don't always get to know if we're even on the right trail or in the right race! We don't always get to know how close we are to that promotion we've been working for. We don't always know how close we are to finding that love we've been longing for. We don't always get to know how close we are to the right person discovering our talent and getting that big break. Thomas Edison never knew how close he was to inventing the lightbulb. The reality is Edison screwed up a lot of the steps on his way there. But he kept going. Leonard DeGraaf, author of Edison and the Rise of Innovation, says we don't hear a lot about how often Edison messed up because Edison didn't dwell on it. “Edison’s not a guy that looks back. Even for his biggest failures he didn’t spend a lot of time wringing his hands and saying ‘Oh my God, we spent a fortune on that.’ He said, ‘we had fun spending it.’” Edison seemed to always believe in the potential of one more step. And, he wasn't afraid of being wrong about that step. Alexi Pappas says we always have the choice to be skeptical or optimistic about our next steps. "It's safe to be skeptical; you're less likely to get hurt. Optimism takes courage. You need courage to invest yourself in something that you hope can be great but might end up hurting you." It's harder to be optimistic when we don't know where the finish line is. It's harder when we don't know - do I have a mile to go or ten? It takes courage to take that one more step... But what's the alternative? Live life believing there is nothing great ahead? I've been there. I've been down the road that started with skepticism and ended with hopelessness. My word for this year is 'rocket.' It comes from the song Say I Won't by Mercy Me - and specifically from these lyrics: Yesterday I didn't understand Driving 35 with a rocket inside Didn't know what I had While I've been waiting to live My life's been waiting on me I think waiting to live is rooted in skepticism. Waiting to live is mired in hopelessness - in believing nothing great is going to be found in that next step. That rocket - life takes off like a rocket when you start believing there is something beautiful in the life that's been waiting on you. And even if there's not - it's a lot more fun spending your time believing there is than sitting still feeling sure there's not. It's Monday, we all get to choose: 35 or a rocket? Give up - or believe success is right around the corner? |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
May 2024
CategoriesAll Faith Fatherhood Life Mental Health Perserverance Running |