All through school I was awful at taking notes. The minute the teacher or professor started talking I was already checked out. Usually I was checked out and into the next thing I wanted to get into in life. And many times, that next thing wasn’t a great alternative to what I could have been taking note of there.
In his latest blog post, Seth Godin says: “Sometimes, we get the chance to hear about someone else’s experience. In those moments, it’s tempting to use the opportunity to explain a situation, to excuse or even to persuade. Perhaps it pays to simply take good notes.” I think there is a connection to my poor note taking skills and my tendency at one time to be too judgmental of people. I do confess, though I’ve come a long way with that, I still have my challenges. The reason I often refused to take notes, if I’m being honest, was because I refused to believe anyone had anything to teach me. The reason I was once too dismissive of other people is because I too often believed they should be far more concerned with hearing my approach to life than wasting my time telling me about theirs. Why would a guy who has life all figured out need to hear anyone else’s story? In my early twenties, I got convicted of drinking and driving. As part of my sentence, I had to spend a weekend at a residential treatment center. And as a further part of that weekend, I had to sit in some “group therapy” sessions. The first night of that experience, I was furious. Why would anyone make a “guy like me” sit in a group conversation with “people like them.” I remember that first night, there was a rugged looking man sitting next to me in the group. I’d noticed him earlier in the day standing outside the building chain smoking cigarettes. I thought to myself, man, does this guy need to be in this place. As we sat there in the group, I was sure the biggest part of my punishment was merely having to sit so close to a life so disgustingly in shambles. But that night, that man told the story of his life. Maybe for one of the first times in my life, I started taking notes. Not on paper, but my mind memorized every word he said. The man told stories about his life that were not unfamiliar to me. The stories of his youth. The stories of his struggles. The stories of his loneliness. When he was finished talking, I realized his was not the only life in shambles. As he talked, I could see not only where I had been in life, but where I was going. He looked over at me a couple of times as he talked, looked squarely at me, as if that were indeed his whole point in sharing his story. He seemed to be thinking - I hope you’re taking notes. I hope I see that man in heaven. There are some people you just want to thank for sharing their stories. You want them to become your eternal friend. There are some people you just want to grab and tell them over and over how often in your life you referred back to the notes you took on theirs. I think one of the endless joys in heaven will be how often we get to discover how our life in shambles made a beautiful impact on someone else. That weekend, I started a lot of journeys in life. I’m still on some of them today. One of them is when I see someone chain smoke outside of a building, I’m far more curious about the story of their life than I am inclined to judge it. I often picture Jesus sitting next to me in that group that weekend. He’s sitting next to me and thinking, you know, your life is in shambles buddy, but I have the best seat in this group. Oh how he has pulled that seat right up next to me many times since....
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Abram sat in the corner rocking in his favorite rocking chair. He heard a knock at the door. He willed his 75-year-old body out of the chair, walked to the front door, and opened it. He did not recognize the man standing on the other side.
Hello, I am God, the man said. God? – Abram repeated. Yes, God. I’m here to tell you to “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.” Then God turned and walked away. After a few steps, he turned around and looked at Abram, who was still standing a bit puzzled and lost in the doorway. Then God told Abram, oh, by the way, I’m going to change your name to Abraham. I know it’s not as easy to say, but it has more meaning. See you soon. Obviously, that’s not exactly how the story unfolded in the bible, but sometimes it’s easier for me to understand stories like Abram’s by playing it out in my own head with my own characters. I think God gets it. Abram listened to God in Genesis. He got up from his life and responded just like God had asked. I wonder if God wasn’t really telling Abram, hey, it’s time to quit looking for the easy retirement life and it’s time to start chasing a life of meaning. If you know the rest of the story, Abram got up from that chair and became one of the fathers of our Christian faith. A relative unknown turned to forever known. In the bible it says simply that Abram went as God told him. I mean, really? Didn’t he sit around and think about it? Didn’t he think of all the reasons it couldn’t be done. Didn’t he let the daunting nature of it, all the sacrifice, at least try to talk him out of this vision and purpose God gave him? Maybe that is why he was Abram turned Abraham and I am Keith still Keith. Because I too often consider how hard things are going to be instead of how meaningful they will be to God and the people around me. Maybe because I too often consider what will be the most comfortable thing to pull off in this world and not what will be the most meaningful thing to pursue in God’s world. I think God is knocking on all our doors today. Maybe some of us will hear it, maybe some of us will have Netflix turned up too loud. But I do think God wants to greet us all at that door. He wants to give us all new names. He wants to give us names that say we are adding meaning to this world, not names that suggest we are looking for the easiest path through it. 7/20/2020 0 Comments Shine onIf you think about it, light is a beautiful thing. I like running early in the morning. I'll often watch the sun rise and I'll run headfirst into the light of a new day. No matter how rough the night might have been, for at least a moment, that light looks and feels like hope.
Sometimes we'll get powerful thunderstorms rolling through here and we'll lose power and the house will go dark. But at the first sight of a flickering candle or the beam of a small flashlight, the storm no longer seems so fierce. As Christians, we are called to be the light of the world. That's not to proclaim that we are better than the world, but rather we are a source of hope for the many people looking for that flicker in their stormy lives. I am afraid, though, our message is often filled with more arrogance than light. I think too often we come at people as a raging inferno instead of a gentle and easy morning sunrise. And I think too often we leave people squinting and aggravated after being hit with our bright lights while they are simply trying to find their way home on a dark night. I love these words Jesus spoke to us in Luke chapter 11: “No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light." To me, these words speak a beautiful image of people being drawn to our light and not attacked by it. It begs a question, really. Do you have to flip on your high beams for people to know you are light in this world? Or are you instead a lamp on a stand that people are drawn to? Are you someone who enters people's darkness claiming to have all their answers, or someone people are drawn to because you'll give them the light and space they need to figure out their own? Think about it. Who are the people in your life who have been the "brightest" lights. My guess is they aren't the loudest, they aren't the most authoritative, they don't have all the answers and they likely aren't superstars at anything. They are likely simple people who send you a card when you need it, a smile when you least expect it. They are likely people who are not critical of who you are or who you've been, but they are graciously there for you to lean on as you become who you're becoming. They are likely a morning sun that greets you and not the high beams that defeat you. Those high beam people, their light often shines through what they know and what they believe - the less you know and believe what they do the brighter the light gets. The more narrowly it is aimed at you. Until it's oppressive. Those light on a stand people, though. They just keep shining, no matter what you know or believe. Because that's who they are. They just shine. Being a light isn't a mission or a strategy - it's a character trait. More so than at any time in my life, I see people battling storms. I see them racing from room to room just looking for refuge from the wind and rain and relentlessness of it all. Be the light that makes them stop in the doorway, and peek in, and see that hopeful light dancing on a nightstand. As they stand there, contemplating, be an invitation, not a condemnation. I love these words from the NEEDTOBREATHE song Shine On: I was with you in the valley And up upon that hill So take just one more step in front of you For I am with you still you still And you're not alone Isn't that the message of the flickering light - you can take one more step because you are not alone. Isn't that the light so many people are looking for? Today, shine on.... Last week, after spending 22 years in prison, Jonathan Irons became a free man. At the age of 16, Irons was charged as an adult for a crime he didn't commit - a wrong that got corrected thanks in large part to the sacrifice of an incredible human being.
Maya Moore, one of the greatest athletes our country has ever seen - she won multiple NCAA basketball championships, Olympic gold medals and several WNBA championships - walked away from her career to devote her life full-time to freeing Irons. At the height of her career, she gave up chasing trophies to chase justice for a friend. Obviously, there is a lot to this story. I'll include a link to one of the media stories in the comments. But it's had me asking myself the last few days: who does that? Who devotes their whole life to becoming the best in the world at something only to walk away from it the minute the goal is achieved. Not just walk away, but walk away solely to fight for one other human being. I've considered that it's possible the person who does that is one who decides to start chasing joy and not happiness. I've been thinking about that difference a lot lately - the difference between joy and happiness. I've thought about it for many hours out walking and running the last few weeks. And I guess the only thing I've concluded is this: I believe happiness can be found outside of meaningful relationships with people. Joy, on the other hand, is impossible outside of those relationships. Moore said this about walking away from basketball: "When I stepped away two springs ago, I just really wanted to shift my priorities to be able to be more available and present to show up for things that I felt were mattering more than being a professional athlete." What mattered more was her relationship with Irons. I would suggest maybe she walked away from the pursuit of happiness for the promise of joy. There is a powerful image of Moore dropping to her knees and looking upward - with pure joy - as she watched Irons walk out of prison into freedom for the first time in over 20 years. It's a different look than the one she had holding up NCAA championship trophies and MVP awards. There was something deeper looking to it. There was something more permanent about it. Bob Goff said something in his devotional this morning. "Quit waiting for permission to do what you were made for. Go love everybody." I don't know, reading those words from Moore I feel her saying she walked away from basketball to do what she was made to do. And maybe that is where joy comes from. Moore said this in an interview on Good Morning America: "The first step for anybody is ... I would say get to know somebody who isn't exactly like you and doesn't come from the same background as you, educate yourself and then just keep showing up," Moore said. "Finding ways to show up for people and your voice will come out of that relationship and out of your pursuit to seeing people who aren't exactly like you." "Your voice will come out of that relationship." I think there is a difference between a voice that is happy, and a voice that is full of joy. I think a voice can be happy holding a trophy, I think a voice is full of joy when it's holding a hand. I think the world ultimately runs out of trophies - but hands - hands aren't going anywhere, and so many of them need a voice. So many of them need us to quit waiting for permission to go do what we were made to do. When I graduated from Ohio State many years ago, after a long and complicated college experience, I had in my hands a business degree. From that moment forward, that's what I was going to be - a businessman.
Shortly after, I saw an ad for a job in our local newspaper - obviously pre-linkedin days - looking for counselors to work with at-risks kids in a residential wilderness program. The job didn't require a social work degree - the organization simply wanted adult role models with ANY degree at all. Long story short - a few months later I was no longer a businessman. I was an inexperienced counselor absorbing insults and threats from some of the state of North Carolina's most challenging young people. And in the midst of it all, I discovered I hadn't taken a job at all. I had responded to a calling. I look back on that moment of staring at that ad in the newspaper. Everything in the world said that job wasn't for me. I hadn't been trained for it, had never worked with kids before, and outside of a couple of camping trips, I'd never spent much time living in the great outdoors. Yet something was drawing me to that job. One of the things I'm most grateful for in my life is I didn't let being unfamiliar with that opportunity talk me out of pursuing it. Every meaningful next step in my life began in responding to that ad in spite of not feeling prepared to. When I feel a call or a whisper these days, it's very rare that I ask myself "am I ready for this." Almost every meaningful pursuit I've taken on in the last 25 years I've been totally unprepared for in the grand scheme of things. Looking back, though, whether those pursuits worked out or not, they always had meaning. Goff shared the following scripture this morning: 1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. Two pieces of that scripture jumped out at me this morning: "faithful stewards" and "various forms." When it comes to being a faithful steward, I think we first have to accept that some of our gifts might live outside of our comfort zones. Part of being a faithful steward of our gifts, I believe, is being willing to search for them. To believe our gifts are only the things we feel confident with and competent at is to turn out backs on the possibility God has some hidden gems - some gifts He's been holding on to - curious if we'd be brave enough and bold enough to come looking for them. And because God's grace comes through us to the people around us, and it comes in such various forms, when we AREN'T willing to search for those hidden gifts, it's not only us who suffers and misses out, people around us miss out as well. I think back on that ad, and I think about all the young people and staff people I had the chance to lead and impact over 13 years, and I wonder what would have ultimately been missing in other people's lives if I'd turned toward the familiar instead of pursuing a gem. I wonder more what would have become of my life if I'd missed out on how those kids and those staff shaped my life going forward. What would have happened if I hadn't been there for them to point me in the direction of my next calling? We spend so much time wondering, what am I here for? What am I called to do? Let me offer that it's quite possible the answer might not be found in what am I comfortable doing. The answer might not be found in what have I trained my whole life to do. It's possible God wants to use you to share his various grace in some way you're completely unfamiliar with - but in some way you are completely made for. The answer might be found stepping out and searching instead of sitting back and wondering. I read that Bob Goff quote yesterday morning before I was setting out to finish up a big running journey I've been on. I was attempting to "virtually" cross the state of Tennessee in 2 months. That was 635 miles in 61 days. I'd never run/walked 300 miles before in 61 days, let alone more than double that.
To say the least, yesterday I was attempting to complete what has been a daunting task. Maybe the hardest physical task I've ever taken on. But in the end, I did it. I was reminded in doing it, though, that the celebration is in "why" I did it and not in the opportunity I have today to say I did it. Because when it comes to running, and I dare say when it comes to my life, purpose is the goal, not winning. Not accomplishment. Over the years, and especially since I took up running, I've come to believe being captivated by purpose is the strongest defense we have against comparison. When we look through our zoom lens in life and see our purpose and not someone else's results, we are much more likely to keep moving forward. Every day in this race we had to go online and enter our daily miles. And every day, in doing so, I got to see just how many people were finishing this race days and weeks and even more than a month faster than me. So every day, I had to pull out my lens and look and remind myself this race wasn't about me - or them - it was about something bigger than all of us. My personal race was about running to fight poverty, and namely, running to fight it in partnership with Soles4Souls - an organization that uses the shoes and clothes we no longer want or need to create opportunities for people around the world. More specific than that, it was for a little girl I met when I went to Honduras last summer with Soles4Souls. I don't know her name, only her smile. I'll never forget that smile on her face when we slipped a new pair of shoes on feet that hadn't had shoes in a long time. Her smile lives in my heart, it tugs at my soul, it's a relentless pull on my life. It pulls me constantly in the direction of loving her and loving others like her and in pursuing smiles for people who don't often get them. I think it's hard to find purpose in reading about poverty in a book or online, but when you see it in the eyes, face to face, of another beautiful human being, well you've read a story you'll never forget. You are forever a character in THAT story. So when the running got hard, I zoomed my lens in on that smile. When I saw how middle of the pack I was in the standings compared to other runners, I zoomed in on that smile. When I thought about just how unrealistic my belief that "poverty has a finish line" is, I zoomed in on that smile. When I thought about all the people who do more than me to help other people, when I thought about how other people have more resources to do more than me, I zoomed in on that smile. You are going out in this world today. You have another chance to pull out your zoom lens and focus. What will you see? Will you see all that others are doing? Will you see a million reasons why you can't do what you feel drawn to do? What will you see? Remember, you are in control of that lens. You can zoom that thing in on what you want, just as close and tight and clear as you desire to see it. That's what is completely cool about a zoom lens. Zoom it in on making a difference. Set your sights on that difference and start walking or running to it. And when someone or something enters the path of that journey, something that leads you to believe you won't make it or that your efforts are insignificant, crop them out of the picture and keep going. (And that is what is completely cool about Photoshop)! In the end we're either captivated by our purpose or distracted by all the reasons we can't pursue it. That is completely our choice. What is captivating you today? 7/6/2020 0 Comments Before people will listen to what you have to say that have to know you accept who they areWhen I was a counselor working with at-risk kids, one of the best pieces of guidance I ever received from a supervisor was "meet them where they are."
When you're a new counselor, it's easy to get caught up trying to hurry along the process of kids becoming who you know they can be. It's easy to jump right in to "fixing them." And when you're in that place, every mistake a kid makes reminds you they aren't there yet and that they are still who they used to be. That could get frustrating; a frustration, sadly, I often took out on the kids by making sure they knew they were always going to be who they used to be. What I ultimately realized that supervisor was saying to me, though, is you have to let the kids know you accept them for who they are before they'll ever listen to you tell them who they can be. That should have come more naturally to me than it did. Every major change in my life has come when the people around me have said I know who you are, and I love you anyways. I became a much better counselor the day kids knew I loved being with them - unconditionally. I wasn't there trying to fix who they used to be or preparing them to be the kind of person I'd love being with in the future - I was there because I loved who they were right then and there. For many of those kids, it was the first time they'd ever had someone meet them where they were - and loved them not in spite of where they were, but because of it. As I sit here writing this post, I can hear God whispering that very sentiment to me: I love you Keith, not in spite of who you were or because of who you're becoming, but because you are who you are right now. I can hear God reminding me that He died on a cross so I'd have a permanent and forever reminder that He didn't die on that cross to fix who I was, but because He loves who I am. God knew the biggest challenge at-risk kids would have, and he knew the biggest challenge their counselors would have, would bebreaking free of the chains of regret and shame and doubt that would knot them to their past mistakes. Every day, God is working to remind me how much he loves me, all the while gently untying those knots. And God calls us to be just that in the lives of people around us. He calls us to meet them where they are, and to love them, and sometimes without them evening knowing it, he calls us to untie the knots that keep them from ever knowing just who they can become. There is a beautiful story in the bible that takes place at the foot of the cross.
There Jesus is, dying. The soldiers who had crucified Jesus are gambling at the foot of his cross to see who gets to keep his clothes. Jesus just stares. Then he spots his mother, and next to her is John, the only one of the 12 apostles who were at his crucifixion. And we read: When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. "And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home." That is a one-liner that can get lost in such a powerful Christian story. But here was John, an apostle Jesus deeply loved, an apostle who was with Jesus up to his last breath, getting one final assignment from Jesus - take care of my mom. There have been some big honors handed out in the world. But how many are bigger than the son of God saying to his friend, please take care of my mom. We have to conclude that John had always been there so powerfully for Jesus that Jesus decided John would always be there for his mom. We have to believe John had always loved Jesus with the kind of love that Jesus wanted to leave this earth knowing would always be poured into the life of his mom. Knowing that, as Jesus looked down at the soldiers entertaining themselves at the expense of his death, it had to be a beautiful sight, seeing John there with his mom. There had to be some beauty for Jesus, imagining the one who showed up for his darkest hour walking off with his mom, a forever comfort in hers. It makes you wonder, at least it does me. Who is showing up in your darkest hour? Who is the human face of beauty in the moments where beauty may be hard to find? Who is it that loves you so well that you want them desperately to love well the people you love most? Earlier in the book of John, John said about Jesus: When Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. John knew how deeply Jesus loved him. John knew how beautiful the sight of him was in the eyes of Jesus. Whoever that John is in your life, make sure they know they are loved like they are your own, make sure they know they are loved until the end. I think sometimes the idea of Christianity can become challenging because we start believing God wants us to be perfect people instead of people who have a perfect love. When we think God wants us to be perfect people we start focusing on perfect choices and behaviors. When we focus on how perfectly God wants us to love, we start focusing on - well - God.
I have two boys. There are some basic rules in place for them. But I hope the rules are all in place to help them live within a framework that points them in the direction of perfectly loving other people. There isn't a scorecard on the refrigerator tracking how many rules they've followed or broken, but in every interaction with them I'm taking note of how much closer they are to perfectly loving the people around them. We all know the story of the original sin. Eve ate from the tree God told her and Adam not to eat from. I find it interesting that the first words God spoke to them after they made the wrong "choice" was - "where are you?" Clearly God knew where they were. He's God. Why ask that? I think maybe it was God's way of saying, why did you leave me? We had this good thing going - we thought alike - our hearts were in perfect alignment, then you walked away from me. God knows that if we are ever going to love perfectly, we have to have our hearts and souls and minds in perfect alignment with him. Sin isn't making a wrong choice, sin is walking out of alignment with God instead of perfectly into his way of loving. God doesn't think about choices. God just instinctively loves. It's who he is. Even when we are making the wrong choices, God's instinct is to love us. And even when we're treating someone hateful, the people on the other end of our hate are being instinctively loved by God in spite of us. God knows we think our way out of loving too many people. We analyze love, determine who is in and who is out. God wants us to so deeply know him and mold our hearts and souls and minds so perfectly after his that we don't have to think about love - we simply and automatically do it. Love our enemies sounds like a daunting task some days. That's because we think about what our enemies have done, we process the kind of people they are. God skips all the thinking and goes right to loving. I think if there is a sin scale, on the zero end of that scale is someone who has to spend a lot of time thinking about this whole idea of love before offering it - if they ever do. Then there's the perfect 10 - there's the person that love pours wildly out of before they have a chance to think about it at all. Because that's God. God is love minus any hurdles or obstacles or dams. The obstacles that are on our own personal scale that stand between our own way of thinking about life and our personal capacity to instinctively love everyone in it like God does, that is sin. The remedy to our sin isn't willing ourselves to make a better choice next time. The remedy is allowing into our hearts, on an intimate level, the idea that God loves me in spite of my choices, and let that intimately shape the way I strive to love others. There is no way any of us will ever be a perfect 10 on that scale. But there is always a right direction to be pointed on it. It's away from what we think about love and toward the way God does it without thinking at all. |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
May 2024
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