We all get to a next version of ourselves.
Sometimes it's drastic. It's me on the other side of a broken marriage. It's you on the other side of a new job or moving to a new state. It's all of us slowly moving to the other side of a global pandemic. Sometimes, though, next isn't so drastic. Sometimes next is called today. It's simply waking up knowing today isn't the same version of me that yesterday was. Whether we are on the other side of yesterday or the other side of a broken relationship, the choices are the same. Do I leave behind all the reasons I couldn't accomplish the ambitions I failed to accomplish, or do I bring those reasons with me? Does next look like something new and hopeful, or does next look a lot like previous? We have a lot more control over that answer than I think we realize. The landscape of next often looks drastically different. Life can be unrecognizable on the other side of a broken marriage or the job you left behind. Tuesday looks different than Monday. Georgia is another planet after living all your life in Maine. But if we bring previous attitudes and habits from our previous versions of us into the next versions of us - life won't be much different at all - no matter how different it might look. Accomplishing our ambitions requires us to be more ambitious. Sure, maybe there were things in our old versions holding us back; maybe there are things in our next versions that offer us more hope. But no matter what version of us we are in, previous or next, we still have our greatest friend and our greatest foe tagging along - us. It's ultimately us who decides what we make of our next versions. It's ultimately us who decides - more of the same or more of what I've always known I could be. We can move next as far away as we want from previous, but if we bring our previous attitudes or habits with us, next and previous won't look much different at all. We all get to the next version of ourselves. Who will you make of it?
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7/19/2021 0 Comments Don't miss nowIf you are reading this, you're experiencing the greatest gift you'll have the chance to experience today. Not the gift of my writing, but the gift of right now.
Many people will not get a 'right now' today. That's sad. For sure. But not as sad as the number of people who will get a now - and miss it. They will miss it because they are using right now to try to rewrite the 'nows' they let get away - the 'nows' that didn't turn out the way they wish they would have. They are trying to rebuild nows they destroyed, seemingly unaware that the only now you get to write is the one you're in. THIS right now. The one that comes with THIS next breath. Likewise, writing the story of some now down the road isn't a great replacement for writing the story of the now you're in. Some people won't wake up today to live out the right now they wrote years ago. Their fading regret was likely that they spent those days writing a right now story they'll never see instead of writing a right now story they could have treasured right then - right then in that right now. We all do this at times. We try to fix the right now we missed, thinking it will make the road easier right now. Or we dream of a day right now will feel better, because that too makes the road seem easier right now. When in reality, the only thing that makes right now easier is finding the gift in it. It's this unique puzzle we all have a chance to solve, finding the beauty in our every right now. Even in the battles. So much of our happiness is built on control. That's why we want to rewrite our past and prewrite our future. Control. But the reality is, the further life gets removed from 'now' - from the gift of this very present and in front of us right now - the less control we have over it. The most control you'll ever have over life is to look around you, in this moment, and find the gift. Find it and lift up and celebrate you're right now prize. How many 'nows' will you find a prize in this week? And how many 'nows' will you miss....? 7/18/2021 0 Comments Why are you willing to talk to me?Some of you know one of my favorite bible stories is about Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well.
As the story goes, in his travels, Jesus stops at a well asking a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. The woman is caught off guard, because Jews and Samaritans were two people groups who didn't do well together. Additionally, Jews had less than ideal appreciation for women at that time. So when Jesus asked the woman for a drink, the woman responded: “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” In the context of these scriptures, you'll understand what she was really asking here is, why is it you are willing to talk to me? In today's times, I think more than ever, even more than back in the days of Samaritans and Jews coming together at that well, we strongly identify with our own people groups. Whether those groups are separated by color or religion or political affiliation or professional network, we are a people who love clinging to OUR people. It's where we find our comfort. Yesterday, while I was running, I saw a motorist with a flat tire. Three bicyclists had stopped their ride to help. For an instant, the scene struck me as odd. First, motorists and bicyclists don't always play well together. Additionally, the motorist was a young black woman; the bicyclists were all white men. It was a scene that made me briefly pause and wonder, why are all these differences working together? Jesus got that all the time. People often quietly wondered and even at times asked out loud - sometimes it was his most loyal followers - why is he hanging out with those people? Sometimes I think Jesus accepted those questions as a badge of honor. I think the more people wondered why he was talking to someone, the more fired up he got to talk to more of those someones. I think in Jesus' mind, the more times people questioned why he was talking to people in a different group, the more opportunities that gave him to demonstrate that he didn't divide people into groups. Jesus loved the chance to say, I have one group: people. Jesus was about getting so radically involved in ALL lives - sometimes going out of his way to end up at a well in Samaria where he didn't need to be, to engage with people most thought he shouldn't be anywhere near - that he never once had to say the words all lives matter. I think Jesus is challenging us with this story - who is it that needs to ask you - why are you so willing to talk to me? The beautiful thing about that story - because the Samaritan woman was so intrigued by why Jesus would show the kind of interest in her no one else would - she listened to him. She put value in what he was saying. Because Jesus took time to know her when no one else would, she wanted to know all she could know about him. Too often we surround ourselves with people who will allow us to believe we know all there is to know. With this story, Jesus is reminding us we have a lot to learn, and it probably starts with someone asking you - why are you willing to talk to me? 7/17/2021 0 Comments Little is much when god's in itI had a beautiful yet in some ways heartbreaking conversation with an old friend yesterday. In the conversation, she said:
"If I could only have one wish, that wish would be to know what God's plan is for me. I would do it, whatever it is, gladly. I just don't hear him." The beauty in that was hearing the raw emotion of a beautiful soul who truly wants to do what God is calling her to do. Because I was left with NO doubt - she would indeed do whatever it is, gladly. The heartbreaking part, in sharing her heart for God with me, she WAS living out God's plan for her. And she didn't know it. That's a sad reality of many of our relationships with God. Mine included. We can get to thinking God's plans must be as big as God. As a result, we often miss the little and seemingly meaningless parts of God's plans going on in something as 'small' as our conversations. Too many days I can get to thinking God's plan is where I live. What line of work I do. It's a mission trip to a third world country or a particular church God wants me to join. God's plan is selling everything I own and giving it to the poor. It is so easy to get to thinking God's plan is a 40-day fast or..... dying on a cross. There's no doubt - God can surely work his plan through some of those big as God plans. He WILL call some of us to them. But some of God's biggest miracles, they happen in the littlest of ways. Because here I sit this morning, writing about a conversation I had with a friend I hadn't chatted with in decades. And you are reading it. And maybe, as a result, you will come to understand you are a seed in this world, growing much bigger God plans than you know. Just because you don't see yourself as a giant Oak tree doesn't for a second mean God isn't using you to provide cover for a lot of people in this world. There's a story in the bible. Jesus has a conversation at a well with a woman who'd been shunned by her town. Nobody wanted a thing to do with her. But after her conversation with Jesus, the woman went back and told the town what she and Jesus had been chatting about. As a result, that whole town came to know and love Jesus. One conversation - at a well while drinking water - and not just an ordinary woman, but one who had tons of baggage in her life. Here's the thing. That woman didn't go to the well looking for her calling or her purpose or her meaning in life. She went to get water to survive. In doing what she does every single day, God found a way to use her to change the lives of thousands. Sometimes, I think we overlook our calling because we can't do something as big as going to Africa and building wells for people to provide them the water they need to survive. We overlook our calling because we can't believe God is calling us to do something as simple as GETTING a drink of water. You know, sometimes, the idea that we need to know our purpose or our calling - that's a lack of faith. I don't say that critical - because it's certainly a lack of faith I have some days. But we need to know - just because we don't 'feel' God's call on our life, or just because we don't 'know' our purpose beyond any doubt, that does not for a second mean God isn't using us. God doesn't need us to feel or know anything to pull off what he knows he is going to pull off. Some days, our best prayer isn't, "God, help me know your plan for my life today." Some days, the best prayer is, "God, thank you for everything I know you're going to do through my life today." We may not know our plan, but God knows His. And because of that, every little thing we do - it is much, not little. Several years ago, my twelve year old Ian bet his older brother Elliott $10,000 that he - Ian - would never ride the 305 foot high Intimidator roller coaster at Kings Dominion. I guess that was Ian's way of holding himself accountable to never stepping foot on that ride.
Then, earlier this year, Ian rode the Intimidator. And Elliott promptly tried to collect his ten grand. Ian said he'd get a job some day and gladly pay up. 🤦♂️ A few weeks ago, Ian told Elliott he had an idea. He told Elliott that if HE rode the intimidator, he'd give Elliott ten grand and they be even. Elliott said he'd think about it. Wait? Even? Clearly Elliott's status as a gifted math student was failing him in this deal. Or, maybe more, Ian's status as a gifted manipulator was too much for any mathematician to overcome. But there we were yesterday. I was sitting in the car behind Ian and Elliott - brothers - thousands of bucks on the line - about to be launched 305 feet into the air and then swung down and around at 90 miles per hour for two solid minutes. I asked Elliott, on a scale of 1-10, how nervous are you? Elliott said seven. I said, the good news is you are strapped in. It doesn't matter how nervous you are at this point. You've made the choice and it's go time. And off we went..... The look on Elliott's face when the ride came to a stop - it was priceless. I've seen it before. I've seen it on him and on his brother and I've seen it in the mirror. It's a look I've seen on a lot of people in my life. It's the look of someone who tossed a big honking bag of fear over the side of a roller coaster in the middle of the ride of their life. It's the look of relief, the knowing - I'll never have to carry that stupid bag again. Because that's what that ride was for Elliott - and Ian before him. Their first Intimidator rides didn't come the day they'd built up enough courage to ride the coaster. They came when the boys were finally willing to let go of their fear of it. A lot of time in life we get to thinking the time between I'm afraid of something and I'm now ready to do that something is a time of building up courage. When in reality, many times, that time is more about being unwilling to let go of our fear. When Elliott got done with that first ride, he couldn't get in line quick enough to do it again. The dad in me patted him on the back and let him know what a launching pad that was for conquering other fears in his life. The Keith in me, well I wondered if he was thinking about all the rides he missed while he was holding on to fear. I wondered how many things I was missing out on in life while I was - and am - holding on to fear. When I was talking to the boys about overcoming fear, Ian said, "it's just a roller coaster." I reminded Ian that it wasn't always "JUST" a roller coaster to him. Isn't it funny - just how "un-intimidating" the Intimidator becomes once we let go of our fear of it. But that's what happens when we let go of fear. Fear is a constant threat. It's the invisible enemy in our life that runs around making everything in front of us seem bigger than it is. Every bulding in our life becomes a skyscraper. Then we climb the skyscraper. We tell someone how we feel. We sign up for that race. We change that job. We buy that cabin. We try out for that team. We ride the Intimidator. We throw away the fear and the skyscrapers come down. All the world becomes our neighborhood. Friendly. On a scale of 1-10 - no fear. Not because we built up the courage to make it so, but because we let go of the fear it could never be. I talked with a friend yesterday morning who was getting ready to go into a 2-day work function with people who'd treated her really badly. She said she knew it would be hard to not want to treat them badly in return, but she trusted God had her there for a reason.
I checked on her last night. She had indeed risen above the desire for revenge and ugliness - no matter how justified it was. She said it had been a good day. Given what she'd been through, I found that to be a remarkable story. You know, some of Jesus' last words on the cross were "forgive them father. They don't know what they are doing." In those words, Jesus was writing the ending to his earthly story. Many days, I wonder if we skipped reading that part of the ending as we sped off to Easter. Jesus had the chance to write a predictable ending to his story. Instead, he chose to write a remarkable one. Instead of seeking revenge for his killers, he asked that they be forgiven. Jesus was trying to break the predictable and ugly cycle of those days. The cycle of needing to get even. One superpower takes over, and then the defeated seeks revenge, and then the defeated seeks revenge, and on and on and on..... In many ways, that cycle lives on today. Because the cycle of need to get even, it never ends. It's not like someone stands up in that cycle and says, I give up. You win. The only way that cycle ends is when someone skips the predictable reaction and does the Godly thing. The only way that cycle ends is when someone says there's no way to get on with love while I'm stuck in the hateful cycle of trying to get even. When we're stuck in a cycle of getting even with anyone, everyone loses out on our fullest capacity to love. I took the boys to see the latest Fast and Furious movie yesterday. The entire movie was about two brothers bent on destroying each other over decades old grievances. I was left wondering the whole movie, who is going to win this battle. In the end, a remarkable thing happened - something I didn't see coming. I won't spoil the ending for those who want to go see it. I'll simply say, a cycle was broken. And that left a giant impression on me. The predictable is entertaining, I guess. There's lots of shooting and bombing and cussing and chaos. It makes for good movies and news stories. But it's soon forgotten. Jesus could have gotten even with his killers, but he'd have been forgotten as quickly as his killers were. Jesus decided to instead write a remarkable story. One of rising above. One of forgiveness. And two thousand years later, we're still talking about that story. It's a bestseller. We're writing stories for each other. We're writing them for our kids. We might as well make them unpredictable stories. Remarkable stories. Stories they'll remember and tell long after we're gone. I had dinner with a work colleague last night. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months, just the nature of how we do work these days.
She asked me, how are you doing? I said, I'm surviving. Then I caught myself. Or maybe God caught me. Because he reminded me that if the only story I have to tell in the middle of a struggle is 'I'm surviving' - then I'm completely missing the story that God wants to tell. God doesn't bring storms into our lives to see what we're made of, he brings them to see what we make of them. And what we make of them, that's our story. That's HIS story. That's the answer to 'how are you doing?' There's an old English idiom - live to tell the tale. I'm guilty at times of simplifying that idiom to one word: live. I can get to believing the object of a challenge is to survive it. But the truth is, surviving without a survival story is wasting a struggle. I often tell the story of my first attempt at an ultra race. Half way through the race, I was overcome by heat - I was seeing things that weren't there. Trust me, in that moment, my story was ONLY survive. I had a friend run ahead and get me water - adding 4 miles to her race. Other competitors along the way stopped and offered to help while I sat resting on a rock - significantly slowing down their races. Suddenly, the story wasn't about surviving a storm, but people coming together to help pull someone out of a storm. I did survive that day, but the story wasn't about survival. It was much more beautiful than that. Nothing ruins our sunny day plans in life more than a rainy day. But just because the rain changes our story, that doesn't mean the rain isn't trying to write a new one. The miraculous thing is, rain often tells a better story than the sun. But too often, we're too busy moaning about the day the rain has ruined to be grateful for all that the rain has delivered. I told my dinner friend about my new job at the state. How I'll do more of what I love doing. How it financially helped me at a time when I needed the help most. How there was sudden flexibility in the middle of a storm begging for more flexibility. Those were all important elements of my survival story that are often easy to overlook. Sometimes we stop writing our story when the storm comes along. We sit and look out the window and watch the rain and think, when the rain stops, I'll get back to writing my story. All the while, out there in the rain, God sits writing. He is still writing our story. And I wonder, is HE wondering, will Keith even see this story I'm writing in the rain? And when someone asks him how he's doing, will he simply say, I'm surviving. Or will he tell the story I'm out here writing in the rain? Because that IS why God writes stories in the rain, so we will tell them. If you're in the middle of a struggle, write it down. Every rainy day detail. Because someday, someone will ask you, how are you doing? When they do, don't tell them you're surviving, tell them your survival story. And when you do, imagine God sitting outside, under an umbrella, smiling at you as you do. In my opinion, one of the most misguided things I ever said about my approach to fatherhood went something like this: 'I want to raise boys who know their best life is found inside a box I help define for them. My job will be to help remind them when they step outside the box, and applaud them when they're living inside that it.'
That's code for, I'm going to reward them when they do what I say; punish them when they don't. I'm grateful that, for the most part, I've abandoned that approach. Because here is what I know far better today than I did when my boys were little. If I define boxes for them early in life - because of how their little brains develop - it's likely they will ALWAYS see life as a box. They will always approach the edges of the box with some level of hesitancy. Yesterday, I wrote about this idea of one more door. I wrote that too often we quit because we get to believing there are no more doors to open. In many ways, I believe we're training our kids to see life that way. Heather Shumaker says, "Today families are caught in a paradox. We're parenting during a time when scientists increasingly tell us free play is vital to the health of our kids, yet schools and policies are pushing us in the opposite direction in an agitated rush toward early academics." When Shumaker talks about free play being vital to our kids' health, it's because when they are young, our kids' brains are developing more rapidly than they ever will. Our kids worldviews are largely determined before they reach middle school. And whether or not they see open or closed doors is literally being wired into their biology. When kids are outside playing, they are imagining doors to open. They run and skip and climb and wrestle each other as they go in and out of these doors. With free play, our kids are being wired to not only believe in open doors, but to go wildly searching for them. In many cases, our schools have sacrificed play to accomodate more time in the classroom. In many cases, schools have defined for kids: success in life is what you're taught, not what you'll discover. Our schools are not alone in that sacrifice. In many settings, our kids are being wired to do what they're told and not question what's on the other side of everything they've ever heard. Our kids are being wired to believe life literally is contained in a box: the box parents define, the box a classroom defines, the box an iPhone or Xbox defines.... Here's the thing. You and me, we don't know the best paths for our kids. I know that because most days I don't even know the best path for me, so how on earth can I possibly know the best path for my kid? Now, it's not like I want to raise boys who believe the world is a free for all. Clearly, the world is not. And I'm proud to say they seem to be figuring that out without any heavy handed reminders of that reality. I often hear this argument that parents no longer know how to tell their kids no. I think I'd argue the opposite. I think more than an unwillingness to tell our kids no, we have a fear of telling them yes. No says I have the answer; I'll define the wall. Yes says go figure it out; I love your curiosity. I think the fear of yes comes from of a sense of wanting the best for our kids. It's out of a sense of wanting to protect them. It's out of a sense of wanting them to have a better life than me. But it's also from a place of forgetting what we as parents have learned beyond any doubt. Life is a journey. It's a journey that comes with few guarantees. Any box we try to create for ourselves or those around us - that box ultimately collapses. There are just no absolute and unmovable walls in this life. Those of us who seem to navigate life the healthiest are those who, when the walls in life collapse, don't collapse with them. We don't collapse because we're wired to be curious about the collapse, not afraid of it. We don't collapse - because we live trying to figure out the best definition of OUR life, not living obsessed with finding and following who has the best definition for THEIR life. The world is hard. No box hides that reality. The younger our kids are when we help them disover that, the more likely it is they'll always believe there's one more door. 7/12/2021 0 Comments There is always one more doorAlexander Graham Bell is often credited with saying, "when one door closes another one opens."
After he died, it was reported that what he actually said was, "when one door closes another one opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." I think that clarified version of the quote is more appropriate. I don't think doors in life just automatically open for us. Life isn't always the Marriott. I think we have to reach out and grab the knob and yank the doors wide open in our life. Regret is certainly a reason we don't. But I think there are many more reasons why we fail to open them. David Goggins recently talked about the places in life where our mind gets tired and exhausted and dark and goes to the edge of believing quitting is the only option. Goggins says: "The choices and options you have in front of you start to shrink. This makes it very easy to abandon ship. Before you abandon ship, know this... there is always one more door that you haven't opened." In my experience, it's behind that one more door where we find what we are truly capable of. Running has taught me that. There have been races I quit in the middle of because I believed I didn't have one more step in me. Then, a year or two later, back in those same races, back in the space of believing there isn't one more step to take, I found a step. And then another. Writing has taught me that. Some mornings I wander through writing an article. Look at it. Decide this is awful. Hit delete and concede I just have nothing today. Only to go take a break. Drink a cup of coffee. Come back and sit down and go at it again - and write something meaningful. The problem with believing you've reached a dead end in running or writing - or in a job or in a relationship or in anything you are taking on - is that you feel defeated. You feel defeated because you feel like you've tried everything, which leaves you feeling exhausted. An exhausted mind wants you to stop - stop and find cover and find rest. An exhausted mind doesn't want to try any more doors, and the easiest way to skip trying more doors is convincing ourselves there are no more doors. How much of your life have you left behind because you missed going through doors you convinced yourself didn't exist? How much more of yourself will you discover today if you convince yourself there is always one more door? There is at least one I haven't opened yet. When you believe there is one more you keep going. The real exhaustion in life is believing there are no more doors. That's a belief fueled by giving up. Giving up is as close as one can get to dying while still breathing; there is little difference between death and giving up. Freedom and life, well that is found in walking through doors we once believed didn't exist. The confidence to walk through new doors is fueled by discovery. Discovery is hope. Hope wants to wake up every single day. One more door. Let that be your mantra this week. There is always ONE MORE DOOR. A dear friend asked me the other day, "how do you know if your plans line up with God's plans?"
My first thought was, I'm much better at asking that question than I am answering it. Because trust me, I have memorized that question. We live in a day when it's very difficult to be lost, to NOT know if we're going in the right direction. We plug an address in. A voice guides us step by step to the destination. If we make a wrong turn on the way, that voice is quick to interrupt us. The voice even goes the extra mile of giving us brand new directions to our spot. The voice refuses to let us feel a hint of uncertainty. That's the world we live in. We live in a world that promotes certainty - it sells it. You want a quick path to fame and fortune? Build answers to the questions that plague the masses. Questions make people uneasy. Answers bring them happiness. At least temporarily.... But you know who doesn't work that way? Do you know who isn't nearly as interested as the rest of the world in making sure we have all the answers? Do you know who really doesn't care how long we sit and stew over the questions we have in life? God. That's who.. Because with God, answers are the opposite of faith. And God wants a relaitonship with us built on faith. That's not completely radical. Think about the most important relationships you have in your life. They aren't important to you because you are 100% certain these people know where they are going in life, or that they can help you be sure you're going the right way - although that's helpful. No, they are important because you're sure these are the right people to go with no matter where you're going. These are people you want around when life gets full of questions, because life DOES get full of questions. And you want them not because they have answers, but because they are who you want with you in the event there ARE no answers. God is far more interested in us knowing that no matter where we're going, he wants to go with us. And that if we take him with us, there is no guarantee he's going to interrupt us if we make a wrong turn, but he'll always guarantee we'll end up in a right place. Last week, I had a young lady email me. She believed she had an alcohol problem. When we started talking, I asked her how she got my email. She said a friend of hers had talked to me a few years ago. That friend didn't have an alcohol problem, but she remembered I talked to her about addictions. She remembered I was easy to talk to. So she directed her friend - a friend struggling with a problem - to me. So there I was, talking to this young lady. There I was, a guy who abused alcohol for way too many years, talking to a young lady early in her own patterns of abuse. When I get done with calls like that, I always reflect on something. When I was abusing alcohol, I don't believe for a minute God was sitting back saying, "well this is the right direction." Quite the opposite, I think God sat itching, fingers twitching, ready to send me the 're-route' directions. But that's not who or what God is about. God is about I am with you. God is about I am with you when you're life is full of questions. I am with you when you feel like your life is full of answers. I am with you in right and in wrong and in everything in between. Because the reality is, THAT is the final destination: God. And the path there is always: I am with you. When I got off the phone with that young lady last week, I felt God. I felt I am with you. In that moment, no matter how screwy the path was that got me there, and no matter how screwy the path would be when I got on from there, it felt like I was on the right path. Because I did indeed feel and know, God is with me. |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
May 2024
CategoriesAll Faith Fatherhood Life Mental Health Perserverance Running |