11/19/2022 0 Comments Living is our thank you note for lifeMy calendar was full this week. As full as its been in a long time. In fact, there were some dizzying moments when I wondered if maybe I should step into a quiet room and practice saying the word 'no.'
No. No. No. But then I would be reminded of the reasons I said yes to every packed moment. Because the reality is, I HAVE gotten good at saying no to life. I have gotten good at saying no to things that rob me of chances to say yes to things that help breathe life into me and hopefully life into the world. That being said, narrowing your life as much as possible to meaning and purpose doesn't make life any less exhausting. In fact, often - because you have found a way to narrow your life to things that draw on your passion and emotion - it can be MORE exhausting. Feelings are exhausting. But beautiful. Which is why I reminded myself often this week that every breath we get comes with an implied question: what will you make of me? Our answer is the greatest opportunity we have to give thanks for our every breath. It's our chance to go deeper and add more meaning to the always generic 'thank God I'm alive.' Because alive doesn't always mean living. I've been there. Because alive doesn't always mean expanding the meaning of alive. Because alive doesn't always mean making someone else feel grateful for their own alive. Alive is a breath. Living is how we say thank you to that breath. Maybe you calendar gets full. That's always something to look at it. But sometimes, especially times when the calendar feels a little more packed than usual, it might prove helpful to look at that calendar as one big thank you note. And let out a great big thank you breath.
0 Comments
If you've been following me here for any amount of time, you know I'm a story teller. But here's the thing. So are you.
Even if you aren't writing your story on here every morning. Or in a journal. Or anywhere at all. And even if you don't breathe out your story to another living soul. You are always telling your story. Even if only to yourself. Often, the story you are telling yourself about yourself isn't kind to yourself. I always know we've done a great job leading the kind of training I helped lead the last few days when people walk away feeling like they have greater permission to tell themselves a more loving story about who they are and where they've been and what they've done. I say we've done a great job because creating the spaces for people to tell that different story, well that is not an easy task. Brene' Brown says, "Judgment kills brave spaces." When you bring people together from different backgrounds and cultures and ethnicities, that can be a breeding ground for judgment. No "no judging here" sign protects the room from it. The only thing that protects the room from judgment is leading with vulnerability and love. Vulnerability that is willing to share the messy story of your own life with self-love. And a willingness to show - not just say - I'm going to love you through the messiness of your story too. This work I do is very broadly called 'trauma informed care.' It's a giant buzzword floating around out there with multiple definitions that often fit neatly into individual agendas. But my personal definition is this and it's built on a desire to love more and better: Trauma informed care is embracing the reality that every human has a story, and every human story is filled with challenges and adversities, many of them more intense than others, and those stories have come to influence who people are and the choices they make. Trauma informed care is leaning into that truth when we engage with one another, hopefully in a way that prevents us from judging each other's humanity before knowing each other's stories. Trauma informed care is being willing to hear someone's story before we start telling their story. There is no better way to teach people how to be trauma informed than creating a space where they get to experience it. Creating a space where people cry when they hear another's story, not judge. Creating a space where you feel safe to write your story on the front page, not hide it on the back page of the midnight edition. There is something beautiful that happens when people start telling themselves a less messy and more loving story about the messy lives they have lived. It's like falling dominoes. Pretty soon everyone is telling themselves and others less messy and more loving stories about their messes. Until it occurs to everyone - sometimes out loud and sometimes inside and sometimes all at the same time - we all have messes. And maybe the healthiest thing we can do for one another is to give people permission to start telling themselves more loving stories about those messes by listening to those messes in a more loving way. Maybe together we can start a movement that recognizes the healthiest way to begin cleaning up messes is to become more curious and less judgmental about the messes. Maybe together we can start a movement where people feel like we are showing up to love them not in spite of their mess or because of their mess - but we are here to love them through their mess. That is the trauma informed thing to do. And as Jesus demonstrated time after time after time: it's the loving thing to do. I've been reminded this week just how blessed I am to get to do the work I get to do. I've been spending the week with two beautiful co-trainers and 18 trainees who are all mutually passionate about healing the hurts in a hurting world.
Not every singled day do I say "I can't believe I get paid to do this" - but I've said it this week. I say it many days, actually. I haven't always been great at chasing dreams. I suppose because I used to live in a dream cycle that went something like this. Dream. Have dream criticized. Quit. Then one day I realized something. If a dream was worth dreaming, it was worth chasing. If a dream was worth dreaming, it was worth surrounding yourself with people who lift dreams and not shoot them down. If a dream was worth dreaming, it was worth giving that dream the biggest voice of them all. Certainly a bigger voice than dream critics. If you have a dream on your heart today, listen to the dream. And when you speak it out, and it is met by the voices of naysayers - and keep in mind, you may be the biggest naysayer of them all - turn up the volume on that dream. Give that dream a voice. Give that dream the loudest voice! Maybe the dream won't come true, but let the dream tell that story, not dream critics. 11/16/2022 0 Comments Stuck lives are often ungrateful lives"If only I had."
They are words and they are a place that is easy to get stuck in. Often, when we get to thinking about where we want to go, or maybe even where we think we should already be, we fall into the trap of believing we'd already be there if only we had this or if only we had that. We fall into the trap of believing we aren't enough because we don't have enough, instead of building on the strengths of all that we already are and all that we already have. I've heard it said that gratitude is an attitude. I believe it's more a change of focus than it is an attitude. We are all builders. Builders of lives. We are constantly at work building our own lives, while at the same time - hopefully - taking great interest in building up the lives around us. But builders build. They see the possibilities in the materials at hand, and they build. They see strengths in themselves and in others, and they say, we can do something with this. Builders don't wait, they build. They put blocks on top of the blocks they already have. They see little value in stopping to grieve over blocks they are sure they need to keep building; blocks that are nowhere to be found. Stuck lives are often lives that see rivers that can't be crossed instead of rivers that would make the perfect place to build a bridge. Stuck lives often count the holes in front of them instead of the countless holes that have been filled on the way to getting where they are. Stuck lives are often ungrateful lives. The quickest way for stuck lives to get unstuck is to begin focusing on all that one has to make the next step possible instead of counting all the 'if only I hads' that surely make the next step impossible. Gratitude is a momentum builder. It is a life builder. It is a shift in focus. A shift from stuck to moving. Forward. Forward and building and counting blessings. I stood at the finish line of the Richmond Marathon for 7 hours this past Saturday. I literally saw thousands of faces full of painful anticipation.
The pain of the miles behind painted on head to wobbly toe. The anticipation of a moment mere yards away ready to declare to the pained - you did it. A moment many had waited a lifetime to experience. Too often we hear pain as a statement. A statement that says: "if you were stronger you wouldn't feel pain right now, but since you are feeling pain, you clearly aren't strong enough to finish." But the reality is, pain is NOT a statement. Pain is a question. What's it worth to you? What's it worth to you and how much faith do you have that pain has showed up to add value to your celebration, not deny you of the celebration you are so worthy of. Maybe you are not a runner, but you're a dreamer. I know that. You have a finish line out there calling your name. To get there, you are going to experience challenges and curve balls and moments that feel like they are standing in your way - not showing you the way. You will experience pain. It's up to you whether you hear that pain as a statement or a question. It's up to you whether or not you hear 'what's it worth to you?" And the answer to that, well that might just be painted all over your head to wobbly toes. All the way to the finish line. All the way to that moment when pain wraps you in a celebratory hug - and says - I knew we'd meet here. I just knew it. Later this morning, I will speak at a faith summit. At the heart of what I'll say is this: one of the unhealthiest things we do TO one another is make assumptions about one another without truly knowing one another.
We judge people by what we see without ever taking time to know who someone is. I'll share a story of an encounter Jesus had with a woman at a well. A woman who'd been with a lot of men in her life. A woman who had been judged cruelly by friends and family and neighbors because of it. Jesus told her, yes, I know you've been with a lot of men, but oh I see the beauty inside you. He saw the beauty because he went out of his way to see it. If you think about it, say a prayer that someone who is being shamed because of where they've been, will find new life today in the eyes and in the heart of someone who will see them for who they truly are. If you think about it today, resist the temptation to believe what you see is what you get. What you see actually is often the latest chapter in someone's really hard story. A story someone needs you to read and not judge. The healthiest thing we can do for one another is quit deciding who we think people should be based on our stories and start helping them become who they long to be in the middle of their own stories. Because we all have a story. And it is almost always about a desire to be fully known. Not fully judged. 11/10/2022 0 Comments Choices set us free, not wordsIt wouldn't seem to be great business for a pastor to proclaim "my sermon won't set you free." But that's exactly what pastor Steven Furtick recently said to an audience of thousands.
That's a risky message. Risky because I think many people wander through the doors of a church looking for freedom. Freedom from their hurts. From their addictions. From their wounds. They roam in hoping to hear a message, a miracle word or quote that will deliver the difference they've spent a lifetime waiting for. Maybe some of us aren't searching for it in a church. Maybe we have a podcast we listen to. The latest self-help book off a Barnes and Noble shelf. My personal Facebook feed is full of inspirational reels; I can listen to one after another, many that leave me feeling like I could jump from the couch and conquer the world. But why, why then do I so rarely get up and conquer me, let alone the world? Sometimes being inspired can be nothing more than a dangerous stall tactic. Those feel good chemicals - dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins - all of those juices that start bouncing around in our brains when we start feeling inspired, they can make us feel like we are actually doing something significant. But in reality, we are only feeling something significant. We are only thinking something significant. Those tricky brain juices can make me feel like the difference I've been waiting on has finally arrived. Praise Jesus the miracle is here! Until 20 minutes later, when I'm still on the couch, sitting with myself and with the same life I've always had. The difference I felt has melted back into the difference I long to hear. So I listen again, and I read again. And I go back to waiting. Here's the thing. All of those feel good chemicals, they aren't there to make us feel good, they are there to ignite actions that will help us be good. Be well. Be fulfilled. It's like gasoline. Gasoline isn't poured into a tank to be stored there, it's poured into the tank to make the car go. But to make the car go, one has to turn the key. One has to hit the gas pedal. One has to steer the car in the direction one wants to go in life. I wonder how much inspiration gets wasted in this world - how much of it turns into bad gas (and not the kind you get after eating chili) because it gets poured in but nothing is done with it. I don't think Steven Furtick sermons will set me free, but they can. I don't think the latest Rich Roll podcast episode will set me free, but it can. I'm reading an amazing book right now, The Anatomy of the Soul, I don't think it will set me free, but it can. What I'm writing to you right now, I don't think it will set you free, but it could. It can and it could if we start the car. If we hit the gas pedal. If we drive. Many times what is so inspiring about the words of another is they convey in some fiery or passionate way the words we already knew we needed to hear. Words we'd already said to ourselves a million times, but without the credibility they magically now have when they are said by another. It feels good to have someone beautifully articulate - with power and confidence - the things I've always known I need to do to make me a better me. Things I've always felt inspired to do, but never did. Inspiration can be good. But it can also be a stall tactic. We have the choice to decide which it will be. A fiery sermon or speech that leaves you feeling like you can do it is only as good as the choice that follows the feeling. If you get to believing that you can drive the car, I encourage you, act on the feeling. Go start the car. Go press that gas pedal. And drive that car like you believe you can. Drive it to where you've always wanted to go. Now THAT would be inspiring!! I used to believe some things that I no longer believe.
I used to advocate for things I no longer advocate for. Seth Godin says, "Our standards aren’t set in stone. They change over time, often based on the situation we’re in." There was a day when I was much more likely than I am today to make what I stand for look like the situation I'm in. Make what I stand for look like the people I am hanging out with. I look back and I can say that I was always fairly popular. But I also must admit, I was often popular because I could look and believe like just about anyone. Like a chameleon, I could look and believe like just about any circumstance or situation. I now know that was out of a longing to be liked. But today, I also know that while becoming well liked by many, I was never well liked by me. When you spend a life chasing a chance to be liked, you do so at the expense of figuring out what it will take for you to like yourself. Jesus changed all that for me. Not the Jesus I grew up believing in, but the Jesus I got to know. And love. The Jesus who never once changed what he stood for to live up to the situation or circumstance he was in. The Jesus who never once sacrificed what he stood for as a way to be liked. Jesus was once in the situation of being nailed to a cross. He could have avoided that situation if he had simply changed what he stood for. He didn't. Because his message was - what he stood for was - this beautiful idea that we are to love everyone no matter what. That's what Jesus stood for. Love everyone always. So hanging on that cross, hanging for what he stood for, Jesus was put to the ultimate test, the ultimate chance to prove just how firmly he was willing to stand for what he stood for. And in that moment, he said, "Father forgive them, they know not what they are doing." Hanging on that cross, he began advocating for his killers. He began advocating for the same thing he had unwaveringly always advocated for. No matter the situation. No matter the person. Love. Today I stand for Jesus because of the way Jesus stood for love. I am not nearly as perfect as Jesus was. Not even close. But today, more than ever, when I feel pulled to stand on a platform that is constantly changing, I choose to stand FOR something and not ON something. Because way too often, when we stand on something, we stand on one another. I'm not here to beg everyone to stand for Jesus. I am here to ask us all to consider standing for something that gives us the best chance to resist standing for things that don't look like love. Standing for things that might make us popular with many but unlikeable to ourselves. Because it's interesting, the day I started fully standing for love is the day I began fully loving myself. I have a long way to go - loving others and loving myself - but I am closer than I've ever been. Maybe because I've finally quit wandering in my beliefs long enough to explore who I am. Who I am and what I stand for. We live in an age where ideas get bounced around like popcorn kernels in a sizzling hot pan. They get bounced around in our head and in the boardroom and around the internet.
Ideas are everywhere. And ideas are easy. What is hard is choosing your idea. Getting committed to it. Taking responsibility for seeing it through in a way that practices responsibility toward others. We can get up every day and hide behind "I don't have a good idea." Which promptly becomes another day spent NOT pursuing the ideas we've always had. Most ideas that become something in this world weren't original ideas. They were ideas brought to life by someone who chose an idea they heard somewhere else, then chased it down like it was their own. New ideas are not what separates dreams and dreams come true in this world. Choosing ideas is. Choosing ideas with such a fire that leaves the chooser in constant disbelief that the person who originally had the idea didn't chase it down with the fire of a chooser. Constant disbelief they didn't believe in their idea strongly enough to choose it. Today: choose, commit, chase. Let the rest of the world listen to the popcorn bouncing around in the pan while you chase. Because ideas bounce around; reality is chosen. Choose yours. We come into the world with about 100 billion neurons in our brain. Yet, in the earliest seconds of our lives, very few of them - only about 20% of them - are connected to one another. They have not nearly begun linking in a way that shapes the direction of our bodies and our lives.
Only when we start having human interaction do those connections start forming; the neural connections that start plotting the course of our lives. Connections within our bodies and with one another outside of them. Thousands of years ago the apostle Paul seemed to understand this connection in a way that predicted what scientists would discover centuries later. The apostle Paul once wrote (Romans 12:1-2): I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Long before scientists understood the mind/body connection, Paul was writing brilliantly about it. Yet, without scientists, we would have never begun to understand the brilliance. Because in his words, Paul is in one sentence asking us to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, but in the next asking us to renew our minds. These were not two different paragraphs, two different trains of thought. It was one in the same thing: present your bodies a living sacrifice; renew your minds. At first glance this would seem strange, but the science tells us - no, it's not strange at all. Paul's words in two verses are packed with enough material to write a book. But I simply want to help you - and me - understand some key elements of Paul's words - and of the science - that may be useful in transforming our lives. First, we need to understand the mind. The brain is the organ that lives in our bodies. The mind is the conversation our brain has with the body it lives in, and the conversations our bodies have with other human bodies. A huge component of the mind IS our human interactions. So when Paul is talking about renewing our mind, a large part of that is the renewal that comes with our interactions with one another. Interactions that help us focus on all that is good and acceptable and perfect. All that is God. Paul is telling us, when we do that, we transform our bodies into bodies that are a living worship to God. We change the neural patterns in our hearts and in our lungs and in our brains that promote instinctual patterns of calm and love and acceptance and peace. We change neural patterns in our bodies that promote mercy. Because it's not lost on me - at all - that when Paul talks about this transformation, very early on he points to the mercies of God as the foundation of this change. Not God's commands and demands, but God's mercies. I wonder, is that to help us understand that it's the mercies we offer one another that are critical to the renewing of the mind; the transforming of the body. I mean, think about it, when you are not offered mercy you inherit anxiety. You inherit an anxious and often depressed mind - and brain - and body. A lack of mercy stands in the way of human minds connecting to one another in a way that is good and acceptable and perfect. It's not good for us - for our minds and bodies - and it's not good for the world. I believe a renewed mind is a merciful mind. I believe a merciful mind lives in a body that is your spiritual worship. Spiritual worship that would help make a very broken world and transformed world. |
Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
May 2024
CategoriesAll Faith Fatherhood Life Mental Health Perserverance Running |